Other GL Character stories

[Shanna]

Edmund's Struggle (Completed)

This is a short story I wrote and posted on Cadmund's Castle under the name LeighAnn.

It was written during the summer of 2004 and finished up before the GL Gathering'05.

It started out as a way for Eddie to revisit his past but due to DAM's exit it follows the character's evilness.

Summer / 2004 & September-October 2005.

[Shanna]

Edmund's Struggle -- Chapter 1


“That troublesome woman now wants pictures of San Cristobel to dream about.” Edmund muttered about Dinah. So now in order to keep her somewhat calm he found himself up in the attic going through boxes trying to find pictures. “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” he remarks tearing open a box; with a sigh he begins to look through it.

Pulling things out; he can’t help but smile as he remembers each object. Looking down he sees his Journal and with a sad sigh pulls it out and puts it aside. Realizing there were no pictures in that box he begins on another one. He had only pulled out a few things when what he saw made him stop, pulling the sleeper out he stares at it, even though it was Tammy’s it brought back memories.

Sitting down heavily he grabs for the journal while still holding tightly to the sleeper. With a shaky hand he opens his journal to the entry that the sleeper makes him remember and begins to read:

Morning at the Beacon

Edmund was frozen in place as he held the box with the pink baby’s sleeper in it. He slowly turned to face Cassie, “I found this while I was trying to find your shoes.” Edmund said. “It’s not mine.” Cassie replied “I bought it to give Olivia at her baby shower.

“Cassie, I think there are some things we need to talk about.” Edmund said quietly. “I don’t want to.” Cassie said as she turned and walked in the bathroom. As he watched her walk away memories came flooding back to Edmund of how he treated Cassie when they were in San Cristobel.

“I can’t be here now… I have to get out of here!” Edmund whispered. He turned and walked to the door and slipped out while Cassie was in the bathroom. “Edmund?” Cassie asked when she came back out. When she didn’t see him she was puzzled but figured he had a meeting he had to get to.


The Beach

Edmund jumped in his car and drove to the beach. He tried to clear his mind as he drove but it was impossible. He couldn’t talk to anyone now especially Cassie so he pulled his cell phone from his jacket pocket and turned it off. He slowly walked on the beach until he found a secluded spot and sat down. As his sat there thinking of Cassie; he thought of what that baby sleeper represented that he took away from her.

While he sat there; memory after memory of his childhood plus all his evil deeds against Richard, Cassie, and Reva bombarded him and exploded inside his head.

First, he thought about his childhood, and how he’d watched their father prepare Richard to take over the throne after he died. He was always second best in his father’s eyes. While he sat there Edmund remembered he and Richard as children. They were friends as well as brothers and would play together while their father tended to the country’s business. But then Prince George would call Richard to his office and Richard would go leaving Edmund alone again. Edmund sighed as he thought over a day when he was 15 that has lived with him forever. As he began to think about it, he began to rock back and forth.

Prince George had just called Richard to his office and Richard stood up to leave as Edmund said, “Please Richard don’t go, let’s go outside for awhile.” Richard had looked back and smiled, “Edmund, I’ll be back as soon as I can and then you and I will go to the place that only we know about all right? I promise.” Edmund had smiled and watched Richard walk away. A little later, Edmund snuck to his father’s office and found the door opened a little so he waited to see what he could hear,

“Father, can I go now?” Richard had asked. “NO! You cannot, you need to stay here and watch and see how I conduct business.” Prince George said. “But father, Edmund and I had plans and I want to be with him – not here.” Richard replied. Edmund smiled when he heard his brother. “Son, I am preparing you to be ruler one day, not Edmund. He doesn’t matter since he will never be ruler.” Prince George had answered. Edmund’s face fell when he’d heard his father. “All right father, I’ll stay.” Richard said sadly. Edmund turned with tears running down his cheeks and ran as fast as his legs could take him to a far place on the palace grounds. It was that day that slowly began to change the relationship that they would have.

Edmund continued to rock back and forth lost in thought of how years later after their father died; he and Richard drifted apart as brothers as well as friends. “I wish I could have my brother back.” Edmund said softly as he stopped rocking.

Sensing someone there Edmund turned only to see the empty beach behind him. He couldn’t see that Richard stood behind him watching with a hand on his right shoulder.

“I was always with you little brother, I love you.” Richard said. Without realizing what he was doing Edmund laid his hand across his right shoulder.

Edmund picked up a handful of sand and let it slowly fall through his fingers as his mind wondered to thoughts of what he did to Richard and Reva. Edmund thought about his nephew Jonathan and the fact that he had tried to have him killed. Tears came flooding to Edmund’s eyes as he remembered why he wanted Jonathan out of the way. It was so Richard wouldn’t have an heir and if anything happened to him Edmund would be next in line for the throne.

“How could I do that to Richard, he was my brother!” Edmund said softly as his head fell forward into his hands. “Now Jonathan will never know what a loving and kind father he had and what a despicable uncle he has in me.” He thought to himself. Edmund laughed humorlessly as he remembered the day he’d followed Richard down to the beach after “Catherine” and Jonathan disappeared and he had tried to comfort him. “My word man! I’m the reason “Catherine” left in the first place – to save him from me! I took him away from you.” Edmund said as he ran his hands down his face. In his heart he heard Richard’s spirit,

“But I forgave you dear brother… I loved you.” Richard said.

He sat there staring into space as he thought about the day he left Reva to drown when she was about to marry Richard the second time. He hadn’t cared what happened to her or anyone, all he’d thought about was himself and how much he wanted the throne and the power that Richard had. No wonder he couldn’t blame Reva for her doubts where he was concerned.

“What kind of man am I?” Edmund stated as a single tear rolled down his cheek.


Meanwhile, back at the Beacon Cassie hung up the phone again. She had tried to call Edmund three times all ready but he wasn’t answering and she wasn’t even getting his voice mail.

“He always has voice mail answer, the only time it doesn’t is when he’s turned it completely off.” Cassie said puzzled.

“Why would he turn it off.” She wondered.

Little did Cassie know that for Edmund seeing that baby’s sleeper this morning; had turned his life upside down…?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Be Continued…

[Shanna]

Edmund's Struggle -- Chapter 2

Edmund shook himself back to the present. When he looked up; the sun was setting and that’s when he realized he had been in that same spot for most of the day. He was getting cold sitting there on the beach so he stood, brushed the sand off his pants and walked to the car. Behind him Richard followed not wanting to leave him alone as Edmund tried to deal with everything that had been going on inside his head.

As Edmund sat in his car, he felt like he’d been through the wringer, he was wiped out. He didn’t want to think about everything else right now, all he wished for was sleep so the memories wouldn’t bombard him. He pulled his wallet out and flipped to the picture of Richard then to the one of Cassie and knew he was going to have to follow his feelings wherever they took him. But Edmund knew eventually he’d end up back at the place it all started, San Cristobel.

Richard sat in the passenger seat watching Edmund who was staring out the window. Edmund headed to his hotel room and sleep. He didn’t want to see anyone tonight not even Cassie, not until he could explain everything to her.


When Edmund reached his room at the Springfield Inn; Richard walked in and sat down on the floor by the bed while Edmund slowly took his jacket off and threw it on a chair he noticed the light blinking showing he had messages. He sat down heavily in a chair and played them back, knowing that Cassie had probably left a few since he hadn’t talked to her after seeing the baby sleeper this morning. He listened to the three she had left. Edmund smiled when he heard her voice in the first message:

“Edmund, Hey it’s me! Just thought I’d call and tell you I was thinking about you and hope you have a good day.” He listened to the time on the message 1:00p.m. He sighed she’d left that for him a few hours after he’d seen her.

He let the second message play:

“Hey, where are you? I normally hear from you by now. You are probably in a meeting I know. I miss you. Call me.” The time was 4:30 p.m. He closed his eyes as the last message began:

“Edmund, I’m getting worried I tried you on your cell phone but it’s turned off, it is never turned off. Call me and let me know you are okay.” The time was 6:30 p.m.

He looked at the clock which read 7:05 p.m. picking up his phone he called Cassie’s cell and waited for her voice mail which he knew he’d get since she was in the middle of the dinner rush at the Beacon. When the voice mail picked up he left her this message:

“Cassie,

It’s me. I’m fine I’ve just been busy today. I’m sorry if I had you worried. Take Care I’ll talk to you soon. I love you.”

When he hung up he called down to the front desk and asked that all his calls be held tonight unless it was an emergency. After he hung up again he slowly stood and went and pulled a pair of burgundy silk pajama pants out of the drawer and headed for the shower. While he was in the bathroom Richard stayed where he was as he thought of his brother.

A few minutes later Edmund came out of the bathroom dressed in just his pajama pants and walked to the phone and called room service. While Edmund waited he again thought about the two little boys that ran threw the palace when their father wasn’t around. Tears came to his eyes, “What happened to us Richard?” he whispered to himself.

Edmund tried to eat when his dinner arrived, it was hard but he forced himself to eat enough so he wouldn’t be hungry. When he couldn’t eat anymore he pushed that aside.

“Maybe if I try to work a little it will give my mind something else to think about.” Edmund thought as he put his briefcase on the table. He managed to work about and hour and a half without a problem before memories hit him again. He had just finished a report and was looking at another report when he realized what it was about; he scanned back to the title of the report:

RECENT FIGURES AND PROJECTIONS OF THE RICHARD WINSLOW MEMORIAL LIBRARY.

Edmund dropped the report and just sat there, “I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” He whispered. Behind him Richard saw his reaction to whatever he’d read, Richard stood and went to him and read the title of what Edmund had been looking at; he knelt in front of him so he could see his brother’s face. Edmund stood and looked at the clock 8:45 p.m. “I have to talk to Cassie.” He said as he went to the bed and turned down the covers. After he climbed in bed he dialed Cassie at the Beacon and waited for her to pick up.

When she did she sounded out of breath. “Hello!” Cassie answered. “Hi! what’s wrong?” Edmund asked. “Edmund, I was trying to get the boys to bed, but RJ won’t go to sleep.” She said. “All right, I’ll let you get back to the boys. Give the children a hug for me.” He said slowly.

“Wait, are you all right? You had me worried today.” Cassie asked

“Just know that I love you Cassie, I am sorry I worried you I’ll talk to you later.” Edmund said as he hung up.

When Cassie heard the dial tone she hung up but looked at it puzzled. “Something is not right with him but I don’t know what.” Cassie said as she walked back to the boys.

Edmund lay there thinking about Cassie and how much he loved her. He slipped under the covers and turned out the light. Edmund tried to fight the tears he’d been holding in for the last few hours but he could no longer hold them back. Richard sat on the floor by the bed as he watched his brother’s heartbreak and how he cried himself to sleep as he wished his brother was with him.


Later that night

While Edmund slept, he re-lived the day when he was 15 when he overheard Prince George tell Richard that Edmund was not going to be prepared ruler and that he didn’t matter. “Richard!” Edmund said as he sat up. “I wish you were with me.”

As he lay back down and waited for sleep to take away memories, Richard stood and sat behind him on the bed. While he sat behind Edmund; Richard laid a hand on his shoulder hoping that would help him sleep.

While he kept watch over his brother as he slept, tears came to Richard’s eyes as he thought about Edmund. He looked at him as he fell asleep again and thought, “I’m with you now as you deal with your past Edmund and it’s me you need while all these memories come flooding back.” He stopped when Edmund stirred in sleep.

When he settle down all he could think was “you will have to face all these memories; the good and the bad before you can really become the man I always knew you could be. The kind, gentle, and loving man I saw begin to come through when we where children.

“You need me now – but it’s Cassie you really need. You love her and she will be the one who teaches you to open your heart little brother.”

As Edmund slept he saw Cassie at Cedars sitting by Richard’s bedside. When she looked up; she saw him there,

“Get out! Get out! I don’t want you here, Leave!” Cassie says angrily.
His eyes pop open as he runs his fingers through his hair

“Oh Cassie, how could I have done this….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Continued…

[Shanna]

Edmund's Stuggle -- Chapter 3

Cassie looked at the phone as she hung up from talking to Edmund. Something wasn’t right, she could feel it, and could hear it in his voice. Even as she finally got RJ to sleep she thought about Edmund and wished she knew what was wrong.

“Edmund I know something is wrong, I can hear it in your voice. I’m going to find out what it is.” Cassie said as she walked toward Tammy’s room to tell her goodnight.

“Come in.” Tammy called when she heard the knock on her door. “Hey sweetie.” She said as she opened the door, “I’m going to bed so turn out the lights out after you finish your homework ok?” she replied. “Ok, mom I’m getting pretty tired anyway but I’ve got to finish this assignment.” Tammy said as Cassie turned with her hand on the door.

“Oh mom wait, before you go.” Tammy said as she stood up and went to her,

“What is it Tammy?” Cassie asked as she stood at the door.

“Where is uncle Edmund, Is he okay? He’s usually somewhere around here when he’s not working.” Tammy said. “I don’t know honey but I’m going to call him before I go to bed in a few minutes and I’ll let him know you miss him.” she said as Tammy hugged her.

“Goodnight Mom!” Tammy replied.

“Goodnight sweetie.” Cassie said as she closed the door.

She walked back to the bedroom and changed into her pajamas. Once she changed she climbed under the covers and again thought about Edmund. Cassie picked up her phone and dialed his room at the Springfield Inn. Someone answered on the third ring.

“Springfield Inn, may I help you?” the man asked. Cassie stopped for a second puzzled before she said, “Could you connect me with Ambassador Winslow’s room please?” she asked. “I’m sorry ma’am but he asked that he not be disturbed unless it was an emergency, is it urgent?” he asked.

“No, it’s not urgent, thank you.” She said as she hung up.

“Why are you shutting me out Edmund?” Cassie wondered as she dialed his cell phone hoping he would answer so she could talk to him before she went to sleep.

Edmund’s room

Edmund thrashed in the bed repeating the words, “Richard please.” Richard sat beside him on the bed watching him; knowing this was something he couldn’t help Edmund with, but he couldn’t help but feel his heartbreak. Edmund thrashed again as he remembered the dream.

He remembered slowly walking toward Richard’s hospital room. Not sure of how Cassie would take him being there to see Richard. He had stopped outside of the room when he saw Cassie sitting by the bed. He could hear her talking to Richard quietly.

I’m here sweetheart. Edmund had heard her say as he watched her wrap her fingers around his brother’s hand. Edmund listened as she continued, Richard honey you have to come back to me; you have too. I need you and the kids need you. We love you very much.

He slowly stood up from the chair he was sitting in facing Richard’s room. Feeling as though he was walking to his own death he took the few steps to his brother’s hospital room. When he reached the doorway he stopped as he took a deep breath to gather his courage. Before he could knock, Cassie looked up; and saw him there and she was staring at him. Edmund realized she must have sensed that he was there so he carefully walked into the room as he said, “Hello Cassie I came to see my brother.”

Before he could say anything else Cassie stood, kissed Richard’s forehead and then turned and walked toward Edmund, “Get out! Get out! I don’t want you here, Leave!” Cassie says angrily.

His eyes pop open as Edmund ran his fingers through his hair

“Oh Cassie, how could I have done this….

While he laid there waiting for his racing heart to calm; Edmund heard his cell phone ring. Out of habit he reached over and answered it not bothering to look at the number.

“Hello.” He answers still trying to calm his heart he can hear beating in his ears. “Edmund its Cassie.” She says hesitantly.

“Cassie?” he asked puzzled. “You’re talking to me now.” He replies still in a fog from the dream.

“Edmund are you okay? I feel like you’re shutting me out.” she responds quietly. Now with his head clear he answered her question even though he still has to deal with his past.

Shutting his eyes tight he tries to answer “I am fine Cassie, it has just been a very long day for me that’s all.” “Are you sure it’s not me or the kids?” she asks. “Absolutely not Cassie, its me.” He replies somewhat distant now. Not sure what to do he says, “You go to sleep and hug the children for me. Bye.” Without saying anything else he hung up. Across the room Richard watches as he imagines his beloved wife’s sadness.

Two doors down from Cassie’s room, Tammy is climbing in bed but she can’t seem to get uncle Edmund off her mind. As she lies down she remembers how sad he looked the last she saw him. Tammy had thought he looked like he was so alone. She was beginning to like having him around, he wasn’t her dad but Edmund was changing into someone she wanted to have in her family. She smiled as she thought of how he’d helped her understand the play “Romeo and Juliet” and how he had rehearsed with her so she could understand it.

Wanting to let him know he wasn’t alone she picked up her phone and dialed his cell phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Still sitting on the bed Edmund whispers to himself, “Cassie I don’t
deserve you, not after everything I’ve done to you and Richard.” Hearing his phone ring again; he wonders how he is going to get through hearing her voice without falling apart. He slowly picks up the phone and answers

“Hello.” He replies quietly.

“Uncle Edmund, It’s Tammy.” She says. “Tammy is anything wrong?” he asked worried. “No everything’s okay, I just wanted to call you before I went to bed.” She answered.

“Uncle Edmund are you okay?” she asked. “Yes Tammy I’m fine, why do you ask?” Edmund asked as he rubbed the sheet over and over.

“Because when I saw you the other day you looked so sad.” Tammy answered. Edmund’s voice closed with emotion and he had to clear his throat before he could speak. “I’m fine I just have a lot of things on my mind.”

Tammy was quiet a minute not really sure how to tell Edmund what she wanted to say. As he waited he could tell she was hesitating

“Tammy what is it?” he asked.

“You’ll laugh if I tell you.” She said “No I won’t I promise.” He replied wondering why she thought that.

“I just called to tell you that I miss seeing you around the beacon Uncle Edmund.” Tammy said.

Edmund drew in a breath and tears came in his eyes at hearing his niece say she missed him. “I miss you to Tammy, you’ll see me there again, there’s just some things I need to do right now that take some time.” He replied. “You can call me any time okay?”

“Okay Uncle Edmund, I’m going to go and finish these last few pages of my book, I’ll talk to you later ok.” She answered.

“All right Tammy Goodnight.” He said.

“Night Uncle Edmund, I love you.” Tammy said as she hung up.

He sat on the bed not moving as the tears slowly rolled down his cheeks and he whispered “I love you too Tammy.”

Across the room Richard smiled as he thought of his daughter and how wonderful she is. Looking at Edmund he said

“No Brother you were never alone.”

As he waited for sleep Edmund lay there as the tears continued and he quietly said out loud, “But how can they love me after everything I’ve done?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Be Continued…

[Shanna]

Edmund's Struggle -- Chapter 4

The next morning Edmund got out of bed and went to take a shower. Fifteen minutes later he walked out and went to his closet. He looked through it for a minute before his eyes landed on his suits. He thought about the fact that he’d taken some time off from work so he wouldn’t have to have a lot of his work clothes. Checking over his comfortable clothes Edmund grabbed a pair of black jeans and slipped them on and then he slipped a hunter green turtleneck on and walked to the dresser and put his watch on.

After he was dressed he walked down to the dinning room for breakfast. When he had gotten his food Edmund walked outside to eat; hoping that while he ate the air would clear his head. After he’d eaten, he was sitting there enjoying the breeze when somewhere nearby he heard a car start, he jumped when the car backfired but to Edmund it sounded like gunshots. He stopped when he heard the sound because he began to think about the time when he’d held a gun on Richard and tried to sabotage his plane.

Edmund’s eyes became bleak as he realized that this next step he had to take he had to take alone. Pulling out his cell phone from his pocket he dialed Cassie.

“Hello! The Beacon, this is Cassie.” She answered. “Cassie, its Edmund.” He said quietly.”

“Hi are you okay?” she asked. “Yes, I’m fine, I just called to let you know that I have to go out of town for awhile and that I’ll see you when I get back.” He replied. “Okay, I’ll see you when you get back, I love you!” Cassie said as Tammy walked up next to her.

As Edmund sat there with his eyes closed he quietly said, “I love you too Cassie. Is Tammy close by? I need to tell her something.” “Yeah, hold on.” Cassie answered as Edmund heard Cassie give Tammy the phone. “Hi! Uncle Edmund.” Tammy said. “Hi Tammy, I need to ask you something?” He said. “Sure what is it?” she asked. “I need to go out of town for a while so could you look after your mom and brothers for me?” he asked. “You got it Uncle Edmund. Can I still call and talk to you?” she asked quietly. Edmund couldn’t help but smile as he said, “You know you can.” Tammy smiled as she said, “Great! I love you.” “I love you too Tammy. Bye.” Edmund said as he hung up.

As Edmund hung up he slowly stood and headed back inside and up to his room. From the upstairs window Richard watched his brother as he slowly and sadly headed inside. Once Edmund reached his room he called the airport and booked a flight to San Cristobel for later that afternoon. After he hung up he took out his suitcase and began to pack. He packed comfortable clothes and only three suits. Walking into the bathroom Edmund packs his toiletries in a bag; then walking back in the room he throws them in the suitcase as he grabs the phone and calls Alonzo. Talking to Alonzo, Edmund tells him he’d like to come for a visit and after giving him the details of his arrival later today they hang up.

Picking up the suitcase Edmund leaves the room and heads to the car. Sitting in the car Richard watches his brother as Edmund softly says to himself, “There’s one more place I have to go before I can go to the airport.” Edmund starts the car and drives away.

Graveyard

Edmund slowly walked to Richard’s grave and sat down. Richard followed and sat behind him as he watched Edmund trace the letters of his name Richard George Anthony Winslow. He sat in silence for a few minutes just tracing the name before he spoke.

“Hello, Richard.” Edmund said softly. “I know I should have come more often but coming here just reminds me of which brother should really be here – me.” Edmund ran his hands over his face, “I’m taking a trip Richard, I’m going home to San Cristobel.”

“I’m going back to face my past big brother. If I ever want to be the kind of man Cassie deserves I have to do this.” He said as tears brightened his eyes. “I wish I could have been the brother you deserved, we were best friends when we were children but somewhere along the way as we grew up I became a man that you didn’t recognize.”

Behind him Richard watched with tears in his own eyes as he saw the man Edmund had become—the kind, caring, and gentle man he always new was there. “We have always been brothers and I always knew my best friend had been there in you somewhere.” Richard said as he touched Edmund’s shoulder.

Edmund traced the gravestone again as the tears rolled down his cheeks and said, “Richard, I want to be the man you always believed I could be. To do that and deserve the love Cassie and the children want to give me I have to start with you.” He felt his heartbreak as his tears fell in sobs and he placed a hand on the headstone as he softly replied, “I wish I could say this to you face to face; but for me it’s too late I know that, but I need to say “I am sooo very, very sorry for everything I have put you through. I know the night of Reva and Josh’s wedding at the Beacon you tried to hand me an olive branch of peace between us and I threw it back in your face. That is something I will regret for the rest of my life.”

While he sat there quietly thinking of the trip that he was going to make and the feelings he was going to feel; Richard just sat and watched him thinking of what best friends they were as children

A little later, Edmund stood and brushed his pants off as he turned and said, “I’ll take care of Cassie and the children Richard I promise.” Walking to the gate he turned and with one last look at Richard’s headstone he said, “I miss you.” With that said he walked to the car with Richard beside him and got in the car and drove away.

San Cristobel

Edmund stood in the airport as he watched his other brother Alonzo walk toward him.

Shaking hands with him Alonzo said, “Welcome back to San Cristobel Edmund.”

“Thank you for allowing me to stay at the palace while I’m here.” Edmund replied. “Well, lets get you settled, how is Cassie and the kids?” Alonzo asked.

“There great!” he answered quietly. As they walked to the car Alonzo took a long look at Edmund and noticed the shadows of fatigue, pain and the trace of tears on his face. When they got in the car and headed toward the palace they were both quiet until Edmund heard, “Are you okay? You look really worn out.” Alonzo asked.

“I have some things I need to deal with and that’s why I’m here.” He said looking at Alonzo.

Alonzo nodded without saying anything as both men were quiet during the rest of the ride to the palace.

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To Be Continued…

[Shanna]

Edmund's Struggle -- Chapter 5

Alonzo didn’t try to talk to Edmund for the rest of the time as they rode to the palace. He knew that Edmund had said he had things to deal with while he was here but the closer they got to the palace he noticed his brother trying to fight the tears. When they began to get closer to the palace Edmund felt tears come to his eyes and he had to fight them so they wouldn’t fall. Arriving there the car stopped and Alonzo stepped out and waited for Edmund. He slowly stepped out and stood looking up at the palace that once used to be his home. Freezing as memories came flooding back; he wasn’t sure if he could manage to put one foot in front of the other but he did and walking beside Alonzo went into the palace.


“Edmund, I thought you might feel more comfortable staying in the room that was yours before so it was made ready for your visit. We’ll get you settled then you can rest or do whatever you wish – this is your home too.” Alonzo said walking into the room that used to be Edmund’s.

“Thank you Alonzo, I will rest for a bit and then walk around the palace before dinner; is dinner still at 7:00 p.m.?” He nodded as he told him he’d see him later then left the room. Edmund leaned back against the closed door and just looked around. He couldn’t believe he was back in San Cristobel, the one place he’d never thought he’d come back too. Walking to the bed Edmund began to unpack his clothes and put them in the closet. After laying a suit over a chair by the window he lay down and went to sleep. While he slept Richard sat in a chair next to the bed and watched over his brother.

Richard couldn’t believe that Edmund would actually come to San Cristobel again. He thought after he had exiled his brother away from the island Edmund would never come back. Forty-five minutes later Edmund woke and walked to the window and looked at the view. Not realizing it he leaned against the table and continued to watch the water. Looking down he opened the drawer and saw things from when he was a child that were still there. When he began to go through them his eyes landed on something he hadn’t seen in years. Slowly Edmund reached in and lifted a book from the drawer, rubbing his fingers across the words, “JOURNAL” he opened the cover and read the first entry he wrote when he was a teenager

June 5, 1977

I am sitting in the same place I ran to yesterday after I had overheard a conversation between Richard, my brother and my father. What I had overheard hurt me more than I could let anyone know so I have kept silent and will continue to say nothing except in these pages. For you my journal; are my only friend and only you will know my thoughts and feelings.

What I heard is still so fresh in my heart it hurts to think of; but for you my friend I will recount the events of yesterday.

Father had just called Richard to his office and he stood up to leave as I looked at him and asked, “Please Richard don’t go, let’s go outside for awhile.” I remember Richard had looked back and smiled saying, “Edmund, I’ll be back as soon as I can and then you and I will go to the place that only we know about all right? I promise.” I had smiled and watched Richard walk away. I didn’t attempt to stop him because I thought my brother would be back soon. But a little later, I snuck to my father’s office and found the door open a little so I waited to see what I could hear, what I heard broke my heart! This is the conversation I overheard:

“Father, can I go now?” Richard had asked. I remember my father’s face as he said, “NO! You cannot, you need to stay here and watch and see how I conduct business.” I watched Richard as he said to my father, “But father, Edmund and I had plans and I want to be with him – not here.” Richard had replied. I smiled when I had heard my brother. But when father shook his head I didn’t move when he said to Richard, “Son, I am preparing you to be ruler one day, not Edmund. He doesn’t matter since he will never be ruler.” My face fell when I had heard those words spoken from father. “All right father, I’ll stay.” Richard had said sadly. After I had heard Richard’s sad reply I turned with tears running down my cheeks and ran as fast as my legs could take me to the far place on the palace grounds I sit and write this to you now.

“Why am I second best in my father’s eyes?” Hearing my father say I didn’t matter hurt very deeply. Some day maybe I can share this journal with Richard so that I can tell him I love him but disliked him for being the one my father favored the best and loved the most. How can I tell my brother who I consider my closet friend that I am mad at him for being the special one in our father Prince George’s eyes?

Until later…

He quickly closed the book and put it down and walked to the door. Taking one last look at the diary Edmund headed down the hall. Half way down the hall Edmund began to feel a pull toward the room that used to be Richard’s but was now Alonzo’s. Trying to avoid the pull he turned and walked in the opposite direction. Knowing he had to do this Edmund turned back and walked into Richard’s room and stopped just inside the door. Just as he stepped in the door he was bombarded with the memory that he held a gun on Richard after he’d grabbed Cassie and held her in place. Edmund slid to the floor as he remembered taking a shot at Richard and missing. The more he remembered the memory he knew he really didn’t want to shoot Richard.

Richard knelt beside him on the floor, “I love you.” He said then stood up and walked behind him. From outside in the hall Alonzo watched as Edmund slid to the floor. While Alonzo continued to watch he thought back to what his brother had said about coming back here to deal with some things. Walking away quietly Alonzo was going to keep an eye on him.

Slowly standing Edmund didn’t move as he whispered, “I’m sorry Richard.” Looking back, in his mind he saw Richard behind the desk; then walked out and down the stairs to the front door. Once he was outside he walked toward the garden. When he reached it he looked at all the beauty that was there and smiled. Turning Edmund walked toward the beach, when he reached it he leaned down and slipped his shoes off and began to walk down the beach. As he did he let himself enjoy the feeling of the sand beneath his feet?

He didn’t know how long he walked but when he did he turned and walked toward the water’s edge just close enough that the water washed over his feet. While he was standing there he remembered something that was said to him shortly before he left,

“I love you Uncle Edmund!” He couldn’t believe she’d said she loved him. He remembered the time when she didn’t want to have anything to do with him and now… He turned around and started down the beach again. When he reached the spot he wanted he sat down and looked up at the cliff that he and Richard had once been on. As he stared at the cliff he began to remember the day that he’d sabotaged Richard’s plane. He remembered watching as it approached knowing what was going to happen. While he sat where he was Edmund remembered as it began to go down

“NOOOOOOO!!!!” Edmund shouted.

He had heard the shouting but hadn’t realized it was him until the ringing of his cell phone brought him back to the present.

“Hello.” He answered. “Edmund, it’s Cassie.” She replied. “Hi Cassie, are you and the kids okay?” he asked.

“We’re fine; we just miss you thats all.” She said. He smiled “I’ miss all of you too, “I’ll be back soon.” He replied.

“Edmund, Tammy wants to talk to you for a minute.” Cassie said. He smiled as he heard her tell Cassie she was going outside to talk.

“Hey Uncle Edmund!” Tammy said when she got on the phone. “Hello Tammy, are you taking care of things for me?” Edmund asked.

“Yes, everyone’s okay here.” She answered. “Can you do something for me please Edmund?” Tammy asked. “If I can?” he replied.

“Would you take flowers to the library and place them at the memorial there, and tell Daddy I love him?” she asked hesitantly.

Looking at the phone for a second before putting it back against his ear he said, “Yes, I can Tammy… How did you know where I was?” “I came to visit dad’s grave the day you left and I over heard you.” She quietly said. “Don’t worry mom doesn’t know and I won’t tell her, you’re not mad at me are you?” she asked.

“No sweetie, I’m not!” Edmund said. “You know Uncle Edmund it’s nice having you as part of the family.” Tammy said smiling. “I like being part of the family Tammy.” Edmund said chuckling. “I gotta go Uncle Edmund, I’ll see you when you get back --- I love you!” She said. “I love you too Lady Tammy.” Edmund answered. “Bye!” she replied as he heard the dial tone.

For the first time that day he really smiled about how great Cassie and the kids were. When he looked at his watch he realized he only had an hour and a half till dinner. Just then he heard someone shouting his name

“Edmund!!” When he looked up he saw Alonzo standing there “Dinner’s in an hour and a half!” Edmund nodded as he headed back and once he picked up his shoes walked toward Alonzo so he could go get ready for dinner.

Without knowing it, the three Winslow men walked toward the palace. Alonzo on the left, Edmund in the middle, and Richard on the right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Be Continued...

[Shanna]

Edmund's Struggle -- Chapter 6

After breakfast that morning Edmund stopped Alonzo before he left the dining room.

“Alonzo, wait please?” Edmund asked. “Are Richard’s favorite flowers still grown in the garden?” Walking to him Alonzo nodded, “Yes, both of them, the white roses are across from the buttercups.” He replied.

“Why?” Alonzo asked as he saw sadness come into Edmund’s eyes.

“I’m going to go to the library and I wanted to take some of Richard’s favorite flowers to the memorial.” He answered quietly. “There are gloves by the back door.” Alonzo replied as he laid his hand on Edmund’s shoulder then left. Walking to the back door Edmund picked the gloves up and slipped them on as he went outside.

Reaching the garden Edmund began to pick the flowers, “Richard you have such an amazing daughter – even though she’s not biologically yours she is so much like you.” He said as he continued to cut flowers not knowing that at the end of the row Richard stood watching and listening. After there were enough white roses and buttercups Edmund stood and walked to the red roses. Cutting one red rose he laid it on top of the others

“One red rose for the great love of your life, Cassie.” He said as he walked back to the palace. After wrapping the flowers to keep them wet until he got to the library he grabbed his keys and left as Richard followed silently behind.

Library

Edmund slowly walked through the courtyard to the memorial garden. He looked around at the building that he’d created in Richard’s memory. Richard watched as bleakness came in his brother’s eyes.

“If I’d been a better brother to you I wouldn’t have had to build this to make it up to you.” Edmund stated as he reached the garden. Walking to the memorial he stopped in front of it reading the plaque

In Memory of Richard George Anthony Winslow

Beloved Ruler, Loving Husband and Father

He Always Loved.

Richard watched as Edmund sat down by the plaque, “Richard, Tammy asked me too bring these here.” He replied laying the flowers against the memorial. “She wanted me to tell you she loves you.”

Hearing his breath hitch as tears fell from Edmund’s eyes Richard looked over at him,

“I didn’t want to come here big brother and I wouldn’t have if Tammy hadn’t asked me.” Edmund said as he ran his hand over the last line of the memorial.

Richard knelt in front of his little brother; just as a gentle breeze began to blow Richard asked,

“Why Edmund?”

Edmund closed his eyes and continued, “It reminds me of how much you really loved me and how I didn’t deserve that love. I had the last line of the memorial written to always remind me that no matter how I treated you – you always loved me.” He said on a shaky breath.

Sitting back he couldn’t hold the tears in as he just sat in the silence of the memorial garden and cried. Richard sat down beside him and placed his hand on Edmund’s arm knowing what the journey he must take is costing his little brother.

Edmund didn’t know how long he sat there. Rubbing his face he stood and began walking around the garden looking at the beauty of the flowers that he knew Richard loved. When he sat down on a bench to look around him he whispered to himself, “Richard’s probably laughing at my attempt to show him now that I loved him and still do.”

Richard sat there frowning at the fact that Edmund thought he’d be laughing at this tribute he’d created for his big brother.

After fifteen more minutes of sitting there Edmund began walking toward the memorial and stopped there once again and pulled out his phone to dial Tammy.

When she picked up he said, “Tammy its Edmund.” “Hey Uncle Edmund, are you okay?” she asked when she noticed that he didn’t sound quite like himself.

“Yes, sweetie, I’m okay. I just wanted to call and tell you I’m at your father’s memorial and your flowers are here.” Edmund replied. “Thank you Uncle Edmund – I didn’t know if you’d go there. I knew it would be hard for you.” She answered. “Well Tammy, to be honest I wasn’t going to come to the memorial but I knew this was important to you.” He said. “Thank you, mom’s coming – I’ll see you when you get home, I love you Edmund.” Tammy answered.

“I love you too, See you later.” Edmund answered as he snapped his phone shut. He ran his hand over the last line one more time then walked out of the garden and across the courtyard to his car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Be Continued…

[Shanna]

Edmund's Struggle -- Chapter 7 (Final Chapter )

“I can’t believe I took the time to read the rest of this journal.” Edmund remarked to himself as he slapped the journal shut after he’d read the last page then tossed it aside, “Maybe I should let Dinah read this so she can see who exactly she’s dealing with – so she can understand she’s no match for me.” Closing the box he looked in more.

Richard sat in the corner of the attic watching his little brother with a sad look. Edmund’s head snapped up and he looked in the corner even though he didn’t know why. “Stop, just stop!” He thought when he thought of his brother.

He glanced at the journal once again and just stared and let out a shaky breath, “I tried to find the brother you asked me to find years ago, why is it when I think of you, Richard I see how badly I’m a screw up. He sat back down heavily he didn’t understand why he was carrying on a conversation with his dead brother… but at least no one was with him to see him talking to himself and think he was daft. Leaning forward he pulled out his wallet and opened it to the pictures of Richard that he still carried with him. As he stared at them, Richard moved up behind him to see; one was of them when they were boys and the other was of them as Princes – Richard in his blue uniform and him standing beside in a black suit.

“How far apart we became dear brother.” He mumbled.

As he stared at the pictures and thought of Cassie he realized with a hitch in his breathing that he indeed had found the brother that Richard knew was there when he realized how gentle and loving he had become with Cassie and her children -- he loved them. Dropping his head in his hands he covered his sad face “Oh god.” He whispered realizing his recent actions.

“Edmund?”

Looking up, he stared, standing before him in the blue uniform was Richard. With a wild smirk on his face, both brothers made eye contact, “Oh dear god!” Richard said when he saw his brother’s face and that look; it was then that he realized who Edmund really was.

With a laugh Edmund said, “Hello dear brother, did you think I had really changed?

“You can see me?” Richard wondered.

“Oh I’ve known you were with me all the time, I just wondered what it would take for you to make yourself known to me.” Edmund replied.

Richard stood with his mouth open, “Oh do close your mouth big brother you look quite silly.” He closed his mouth.

“I tried it your way Richard I transformed myself to the Good Edmund – and see dear brother I did get Cassie away from you; your beloved Cassie, the children, the life you would have had with them. The life in Springfield… all mine.

“I tried to get rid of you in the barn fire you know.”

“But that wasn’t me Edmund that was Jeffrey O’Neill.” Richard remarked.

“Oh come now, did you think I didn’t recognize it was you when I first saw him?” Edmund asked frustrated. “Why do you think I tried to kill him in the fire that night?”

“You couldn’t do it could you?” Richard asked.

“You bloody well know I couldn’t Richard… I felt you with me that night, when I looked down and saw him; in my mind I saw you lying there. I could no more kill you than you could kill me.”

“That’s why you saved Jeffrey from the fire you started?”

“That’s why I saved you… Yes! Yes! Yes!!” Edmund said emphatically.

“Now I will have Cassie along with the children and now Hope.” Edmund stated as he carefully placed the pictures back in his wallet as his brother watched.

“You were changing little brother.” “No, no I wasn’t Richard you can see that now.”

“I must go.” Richard replied as he slowly began to fade, part of Edmund wanted to reach for him and beg him to stay yet the person he was now smiled and gave a sarcastic wave as he watched, “Bye bye.”

“I love you Edmund, and I always will.” Richard said as all of him had faded from sight except his face. Both brothers had eye contact as Richard heard Edmund’s last sentence to him

“Having talked with you at last brother, it’s finally time for your alter ego, Jeffrey, to die!” As Edmund reaches the door he turns and looks back at a fleeting glimpse of Richard’s fading face. Narrowing his eyes and with a sinister grin he spoke three chilling words,

“I won brother!” and walks out the door.

The End

[Shanna]

This is a story that I wrote about Henry Cooper "Coop" Bradshaw & Ashlee Wolfe of Guiding Light

This was written in September of 2007

Title: How Do I Tell You

Author: CoopFan1

Couple: Coop & Ashlee

Rating: PG


The is a stand alone story as I get my feet wet writing for Cooplee

It will begin with Cooplee (where she heard Marina’s date) then eventually it will be Coop’s POV for a while then Cooplee

A/N: I am in no way affliated with GL or CBS

* Actual transcript will be in Italics


It's not much for my 1st try... but I hope you enjoy it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 1: Defending Ashlee

She stood there without Coop seeing her listening as he talked to his friend Joe. She knew this would happen it always did but somehow it affected her more hearing Coop do the “sales pitch” on what a great girl she was.

“Joe, she is incredible. I would not let anyone else read my writings.” He just looked at his friend a bit confused. Seeing his friend’s look Coop continued, “Look, Ashlee, we have the best time together. All right, she is the coolest girl that I have ever known.”

Ashlee couldn’t & didn’t want to hear anymore so she made her presence known. Walking over she shot Coop a look, “I'm sorry. I don't mean to interrupt your sales pitch, but I'm going home.”

Coop started to smile but stopped upon hearing her words, “What? Ashlee, wait.”

As he stood Marina looked over to her uncle, “Well… go after her, don’t just stand there!!”

Coop left without another word. When he reached the parking lot he saw the taillights from her car, he was too late. Hoping in his car he took off toward the Beacon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2: No Excuses

Coop finally caught up with her outside her door. “Ashlee, look, wait, I'm sorry, okay? The guy turned out to be a complete jerk. But why are you getting mad at me about it?” he asked

She turned to face him, “You know what, if your friends don't like me, that's tough.” And I know before you answer, “It was only one now but there will be more…”

Coop stood there staring at her trying to figure out how to let her know he didn’t care what others thought. “It really doesn't matter to you how people will react?” she asked. “No, it doesn’t.”

“Well, it does to me. Because... because I want to belong.” Ashlee said hoping he’d understand

“Ashlee, this was not just a date for Marina. This was our date, too. You're not the only one with feelings here. Ash...”

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry I disappeared again.” She answered and meant it.

“No, no, no. I am sorry that this all went downhill as it did. Okay, next time... next time it'll just be the two of us. Okay? Ashlee, do you not want there to be a next time?” Coop said quietly.

When Coop leaned in to kiss her he felt Ashlee pull away as she shook her head, “Are you blowing me off to get back at me for doing it to you? Is that what this is about?”

Ashlee knew she had to get into her room before the tears came & he saw them. Turning she took her key out. “Coop, this date has been a disaster already, okay? We can’t just start having a good time. So maybe you should just know when to throw in the towel.” Coop stood there for a second, “Uh-huh. Okay. Okay.” He replied as he started to walk away.

Taking three steps he turned back & went to her.
She turned & she saw his frustration, “Ashlee, I don’t... I don't get it. Ava is gone. I am right here. I have told you that I wanted you, and I thought that you wanted me.

“I do.”

Coop just looked at her, “Do you? Then stop coming up with excuses why we shouldn't be together. There aren't any.” He replied then with one last look walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Section 3: The Letter

Coop went to the end of the hall & stopped, he heard her as she gave into her tears—the ones that he had seen make her eyes shine.
Without another thought he went to the front desk & waited, “Yes sir how can I help you?” the man asked.

“Yes, I’d like to check in for the night.” Coop said although knowing he couldn’t afford the room, but Ashley was too important to him.
After checking the room key Coop smiled he was 3 doors down from Ashley. Taking the key he ran out to his car to grab the over night bag he always kept in the trunk of his car for emergencies & then grabbed his book bag with his writing materials in it & headed to his room.

After getting comfortable Coop began to mumble & pace… “Ash how do I tell you what you mean to me??
“How do I tell her?” he said out loud. After pacing for another ten minutes Coop stopped. “With written words! I’m a writer.”
Pulling out a notepad as he sat on the bed & began to write.

Dear Ashlee,

I’m sitting here on my bed trying to figure out how our date got so screwed up. I’m not sure what I did wrong but I’m so very sorry. When you agreed to go out with me tonight you made me the happiest man. When you left I was confused.

How do I tell you that when I’m with you I am happier than I’ve ever been. I do care for you Ashlee, when you kicked me out of your room the night…I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, it hurt so much. I meant what I said when I called you that night… I will NOT give up on you, or us.

Tonight when I found you in the hallway & was listening to you as you were talking about Joe & how he treated you it hit me… All I care about is you Ash it doesn’t matter to me what others think. You say you want to belong? You do with me… that’s why I said there aren’t any excuses… when we aren’t together doing something I want to be. You make me smile you make me laugh.
I know we still have things to work out & we will if you just let me in. I know you said come back when its effortless… count on it.
Please know I’m still here if you still want me to be…

Your Coop Cooper

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After reading through the note once Coop placed it in an envelope & wrote her name on it. Grabbing his key he left to take it to her room. Slipping it under her door he sat down by the door. He just needed to be near her.

Ashlee was laying on her bed trying to forget everything about the date. As she thought about it she went to take a shower hoping she could wash it away. Later as she came out of the bathroom she noticed an envelope lying on the floor with her name on it. She recognized his writing anywhere.

Picking it up she pulled the paper out & began to read. After she read his note she wiped away the tears. Picking up her cell she punched his speed dial number & waited,

“Hello.” Coop said from still outside her door.

“I want you to be.” She said quietly.

“I want to be, I’m not giving up Ashlee.” He answered.

“Thank you.” She answered as she settled in bed for the night.

“Sleep well Ash.” He replied as the both hung up.

Leaning his head against the wall & wiped away a tear, he hadn’t lost her.

Standing he headed to his room for the night. Planning ahead he began to form a plan as he turned down the bed, “Tomorrow I’ll check out, leave the hotel then come back to surprise Ash by picking her up to walk with her to Company & CO2 & along the way we’ll have breakfast. Yeah that will work.” He thought climbing into bed & turning out the light.

The next morning Coop, checked out of the Beacon & left only to return minutes later. When the staff at the front desk saw him come back in & head upstairs they looked at each other puzzled. Reaching her room he knocked on her door, “Who is it?” Coop heard her ask.

“It’s Coop.”

“Just a minute.” Ashlee replied as he heard the lock as she opened the door. “Hey, I thought if it was okay I’d walk with you to Company & maybe we could get breakfast along the way. Ashlee watch him for a minute, “Sure, let me get my jacket.” She replied turning & grabbing her jacket off the chair.

As they walked to Company & CO2 there was a silence between them but it was an easy silence. The silence was driving Coop crazy so as they walked he looked over at her,

“Hey Ash would you mind looking over a couple pages of my writing & edit it for me?” he asked. She chuckled, “Are you sure you want me wielding my red pen?”

He laughed seeing the sparkle in her eyes, “Yes, yes I do, I wouldn’t trust my writing to anyone else. You --” he stopped in mid sentence when he saw her frozen beside him.

“Ash what is it?”

“Mom.” She whispered then Coop looked up, “Dor-?” he started to say just as he saw his dad walk up behind Ashlee’s mom. But she cut Coop’s words off.

“You were supposed to meet me for breakfast this morning for a meeting I was supposed to have with an important official.” Doris replied coldly giving Ashlee the look that she recognized meant disappointment.

Ashlee looked down at the ground then back to her mom, “I’m sorry, I forgot I slept longer than usual then Coop & I went for breakfast before coming here.”

“Come with me?” Doris said fighting her anger as she took her daughter by her arm, “and Mr. Bradshaw I demand that you leave Ashlee alone from here on, don’t see her, don’t talk to her… don’t –.”

“Don’t what mom!” Ashlee responded stepping away from her mom. “Don’t be my friend or you’ll do something to him just like you’ve done to the others before him?” Ash said angrily. She turned to look at Coop she needed to know he was there.

Doris looked somewhat shocked but continued, “We’re all we have.” Doris said as she watched Ashlee gather her thoughts in order to say something else to her.

To Be Continued…

Copyright © Shanna L. Beck a.k.a. CoopFan1 September / 2007

[Shanna]

Coop & Ashlee story written under the name CoopFan1 for the Coop & Ashlee Board "Love Unexpected"

This is the story of Ashlee Wolfe & Henry Cooper "Coop" Bradshaw of Guiding Light


This is the story of Coop/Ashlee & Ashlee / Doris

Title: How Do I Tell You

This was written in September of 2007

[Shanna]

Title: How Do I Tell You

Author: CoopFan1

Couple/Show: Coop and Ashlee/Guiding Light

Rating: Most likely completely PG… or possibly PG-13, depending on where the story goes later

Summary: This story is about Coop/Ashlee as well as the Mother/Daughter dynamic between Doris & Ashlee. It is a back story of sorts as to why Doris is the way she is & why she treats Ashlee the way she does.

A/N: This starts from Ashlee telling Doris what she thinks on Main Street. Original Script in Italics

~~~~~~~~~~~~@@@@@@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time of Remembrance

“You think that I was left out and picked on because of who I am. Me, because of me, but it was actually because of you. You still do this. You drive people away from me who I like more than you. Anyone who I like more than you, and believe me, Mom, that is growing everyday.” Ashley replied as she finally told her mom of her feelings.

“But each other is all we’ve got.” Doris said taken back at what she’d just heard.

“You're not my only choice, maybe just the most obvious one.” Ashlee answered watching her mother.

“You made another mistake Ashlee.” Doris said as her daughter’s words began to sink in as she felt tears welling up inside her. Not wanting anyone to see she walked away.

Ashlee stood still as the enormity of what she’d just done overwhelmed her. She tried to hold tears back but she couldn’t. She turned, there was only one person that she needed & there he stood waiting for her.

With his arms open she buried her tear stained face against his chest & cried as he wrapped his arms around her. Holding her he placed a kiss in her hair then held her tight. “I’m here Ash, I’m not going anywhere.” Coop said quietly. He gently laid his cheek on the top of her head as he stood with her slowly rocking them.

Hearing that her sobs had quieted Coop smiled when Ashlee looked up at him. Taking his thumb he wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I’m tired.”

Coop nodded & turned toward his dad, “I’m going to take her home.” Buzz nodded then walked over to her, “That was a brave thing you did.” He leaned in & gave her a light kiss on the cheek.” Buzz smiled, “I need to speak to Coop for a minute,” he responded pulling his son aside. She nodded as they stepped away, “Stay with her.” Buzz replied. “I was planning on it dad.” Coop answered then Buzz nodded, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Going back to her, Coop took her hand and they began to walk away. As they did Ashlee spotted her mother, “Wait Coop.” she asked as she motioned to her mother. He nodded as he walked silently with her over to Doris.

“Mom, I’m sorry… but you were hurting my friends, & I couldn’t let you do that.” Ashlee replied and then quietly squeezed Coop’s hand & they turned & walked away.

Doris let out a sigh as she walked to the bench & sat down, “But I’m your mother.” “You should be proud of your daughter Doris, for being able to stand for herself.” Buzz said quietly as he walked up to stand beside her. Doris looked at him a minute before he left.

“Why can’t I be proud of her?” Doris asked herself. “Why can’t I like her?” She leaned back against the bench. A tear fell from her eye. She knew in her head she didn’t like her own daughter & wanted to figure what it is that won’t allow her to like Ashlee.

She closed her eyes again as her mind took her back in time…

To Be Continued…

Copyright © Shanna L. Beck a.k.a. CoopFan1 September / 2007

[Shanna]

In the quiet…

They walked in silence to her door; Ashlee began searching through her purse for her room key. Finding it she tried putting it in the lock. Seeing her weariness Coop took the key from her & fit it into the lock himself. Pushing the door open she walked as he quietly closed it.

She stood exactly where she stopped when Coop came up & laid a hand on the back of her shoulder, “You’re tired, why don’t you go get comfortable… I’ll wait.” Ashlee turned to face him. He saw the fatigue in her eyes.

“Go.”

She nodded & went to her dresser, grabbing her pajamas disappeared into the bathroom. While he waited Coop sat down on the couch & pulled his shoes off then stood & going to the bed turned down the covers on her side of the bed. When she came out he was waiting for her. “Cute.” He remarked about her pajamas. “Climb in.” he motioned to the covers. “Coop… what?” she wondered what he was doing.
“Just climb in.” he said smiling. Ashlee did & lay down on her side facing the door so his face was the last thing she saw when he left for the night. Without a word Coop gently covered her up then made his way to the door.

“Thanks for bring me, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He smiled, “You’re welcome but I promised I wasn’t going anywhere tonight.” He turned out the light then went to her & climbed up beside her.

“You’re not leaving me?” she asked & he smiled as he heard the surprise in her voice.

“No, I’m not – I’m staying so if you want to talk we can.” Coop replied quietly as he began to push her hair behind her ear.

“Why doesn’t Doris like me?” Ashlee said out loud. “I know she has to love me because I’m her daughter but why can’t she like me?”

“I don’t know Ash.” He continued brushing his fingers through her hair, he wanted her to relax he didn’t like seeing the shadows of fatigue under her eyes or the flat weary sound in her voice. “It always seemed that no matter what I did she’s putting me down… even when I did really good at something in school she always told me I could do better.”

“You’re the best person I know.” Coop said quietly. Ashlee looked at him & he saw the tears that his words had brought to her eyes as she rested her head on his arm.

“I want you to try & sleep now; we’ll talk more tomorrow if you want so that maybe we can begin to figure this out. Just know I’m here with you if you need something.” He replied as her eyes closed.

“Thank you.” She mumbled as she drifted off.

He lay in the quiet next to her just memorizing her face, he didn’t know why though… he knew every feature already since anytime he wasn’t with her he thought about her.

“Why can’t people see what I see when I look at you Ash?” He said quietly to himself as he gently caressed her cheek for several minutes as he let the quiet of the room surround them.

Finally, Coop carefully moved his arm out from beneath her head then gently leaned over & kissed her cheek. Taking the second pillow from the bed he stood & went to the couch across from her. Sitting he swung his feet up on the couch & lay down as he grabbed the blanket from the back & covered up. With one last look at Ash he fell asleep.

The next morning, Ashlee woke to see that Coop was no longer beside her. “He promised…” she started to say as a movement from her couch caught her eye. Turning she saw the man in question laying on his back facing her scrunched up on that tiny couch.

Getting up she walked over to him & watched him, “You did mean it.” she said quietly shaking her head baffled.

“Yes, I did Ash, I never left you last night,” He said startling her as he watched her look at him.

“Morning.” She replied.

“Morning, I also meant it when I told you I wanted to be with you & I wouldn’t give up.” He said sitting up.

“Why don’t we get cleaned up & I’ll take you out for our morning coffee.” She nodded & smiled.

Later as they got cleaned up they were about to head out the door she looked over at him, “Morning coffee huh, do you know of a good place for coffee?”

Taking her hand he smiled, “As a matter of fact I do know of a little place.” He answered. When she laughed his heart turned over in his chest.

“Let’s Go.”


To Be Continued…

Copyright © Shanna L. Beck a.k.a. CoopFan1 September / 2007

[Shanna]

Title: How Do I Tell You

Author: CoopFan1

Couple/Show: Coop and Ashlee/Guiding Light

Rating: Most likely completely PG… or possibly PG-13, depending on where the story goes later

Summary: This story is about Coop/Ashlee as well as the Mother/Daughter dynamic between Doris & Ashlee. It is a back story of sorts as to why Doris is the way she is & why she treats Ashlee the way she does.

The Flash backs take place several years earlier.

A/N: I know this chapter is short, but I needed this to be a completely separate chapter before she headed back to Indiana.

Also, through out this story I will try to explain some of the comments that Ashlee on GL has made about the people or how kids treated her. I want to bring in “Jack Summers” in to this story as well so hope you Enjoy!

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Chapter 3: Thoughts

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Buzz saw them as they walked over to the counter, rounding the counter he stopped in front of Ashlee, “Did you sleep okay?” She smiled & nodded.

The three did not see Doris as she walked up. Seeing them Doris stepped back so they wouldn’t see her as she listened.

“I felt safe & protected.”

That’s because you were, I wouldn’t have let anything happen to you.” Coop said hugging her to his side. “Now dad I promised her coffee.

“Coming right up, sit down both of you.”

“Do you even remember Ashlee?” Doris asked watching her daughter as her thoughts took her back in time to several years before…

Several Years Ago… Lakeview Indiana

“Doris, where are you?” Her best friend Kathryn spoke through the door. “It’s open.” She called. When Kathryn came in she stopped & stared at Doris, she was wearing jeans & her favorite top; her face was tear-streaked & she was still sobbing.

“Ashlee gets her award today… you have to go, you’re late.”

Doris had shaken her head, “I just can’t…” “But Dori.” Kathryn said softly. Doris burst in to tears again as she shook her head again, “She woke this morning smiling & happy… she didn’t even care that it’s been a year.”

“Oh honey… it has been & I’m sorry, but Ashlee needs you to be there today.” Kathryn responded. “No.” Seeing her friend’s sadness she didn’t push anymore. “Do you want to talk about it?” When Doris nodded Kathryn sat back.

Doris watched Ashlee with Coop & remembered what had happened next on that day two years before.

“Mom look what I got.” Ashlee said happily as she came through the apartment door. “Oh hi Kathryn,” she replied passing her mom’s friend her award. Kathryn took it & read it. “That’s great Ashlee, I’m proud of you.” She turned the award where Doris could see it. “You could have done better.” Was all Doris said and they saw Ashlee’s face fall for a minute then she regrouped. “I thought I did really well.”

Doris was shaken out of her musings when she heard Ashlee, “You ready?” Coop nodded as they waved to buzz.

“You still…” Doris replied frowning & walked away without getting her coffee.

As Coop rounded the hood of his car & got in he called her name. When she didn’t answer he tried again, he could tell she was somewhere else.

“Ash?”

Snapping back when she heard her name, “Huh?”

“Where’d you go?” Coop wondered. “I was just thinking, that’s all.”

“Your mom?” he asked as he kissed her hand. “No the date.” Ashlee replied turning in her seat, “Coop would you come with me somewhere?”

“Yes, you know I will… Where?” he asked. Whatever it was he knew it was important to her by the sheen of tears he saw. “Back to Lakeview Indiana, the place I lived before Springfield.”


To Be Continued…

Copyright © Shanna L. Beck a.k.a. CoopFan1 September / 2007

[Shanna]

Title: How Do I Tell You

Author: CoopFan1

Couple/Show: Coop and Ashlee/Guiding Light

Rating: Most likely completely PG… or possibly PG-13, depending on where the story goes later

Summary: This story is about Coop/Ashlee as well as the Mother/Daughter dynamic between Doris & Ashlee. It is a back story of sorts as to why Doris is the way she is & why she treats Ashlee the way she does.

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Chapter 4: Grave Remarks…

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Coop took a left on to the street Ashlee directed followed the road until she told him to stop.

“Park right here.” Ashlee replied as he pulled to the curb. “Ash… where are we going?” “Across the street.” She stated as they got out. Coop looked across as he saw the gate & the empty field.

As they ran across Ashlee pulled open the gate and stepped inside, Coop stepped inside & closed the gate.

“Where are we?” Coop wondered.

“Crawford Cemetery, I wonder who else is here.” She remarked as they passed a motorcycle balanced on its kickstand.

He stopped her, turning her to face him, “Ash, what’s here?”

“I’ll explain when he get there believe me I will.” She looked out to the left as if trying to see something.

She was shaking & he knew it so wrapping his hand around hers to give her strength he followed her in silence; but casting worried glances in her direction.


As they got closer to where she was headed she stopped when she saw a man standing alone, he was wearing blue faded jeans, cowboy boots, & a button down top. He had his head bowed.

“Coop wait.” She said stopping, she knew that profile anywhere. “Eric?”

Hearing his name the man turned & his heart turned over as he began walking toward her.

“Eric, what are you doing here?” she asked when he reached her. “O my god Ashlee is that you?” Nodding Eric hugged her tightly.

“I’m here because of the date sweetness.” Eric replied using the childhood nickname he had for her.

Coop slowly began to back away in order to give the two privacy when very quickly Ashlee turned toward him, “Please don’t leave me Coop.” He heard the tears in her voice, “I’m never going to leave you Ash. I just wanted you to be able to catch up with your friend without me.” He said coming back to her & taking her hand in his warm one. She shook her head. “No.” She tightened her fingers in his.

“Coop this is my friend Eric, Eric this is Coop.” Ashlee said as the two men shook hands.

“So, Eric how have you been?”

“I’m doing alright sweetness. I have someone now & we live out of state Ashlee; only time I come home is today. How’s your mom?” “Doris is Doris.” Ashlee stated. “Why don’t you come back with us Eric.” Your mom would totally loose it if she saw me.” He said then continued, “I’ll tell you what I will do though, let’s swap numbers so we can keep in touch.” Coop watched as they traded numbers, “I’ll stay in touch with you sweetness I promise. I’m gonna go & let you --.” he let his sentence die as Ashlee nodded. She & Coop watched as Eric walked to the gate, open it then hop on his bike & with a look back at her drive through the gate.

Before she moved she turned to Coop, “Hug me please?” Hugging her tightly they walked to the grave where Eric had been. When Coop looked down he gasped as he read the name:

ETHAN MICHAEL WOLFE

B: March 14, 1989 D: September 15, 2004

He was my Sunshine!

“Ashlee?” Coop asked puzzled even as he squatted down beside her running his fingers through her hair.

She sat beside the headstone and traced the name with her finger. “Tell me.” Coop asked quietly as he sat down beside her, he knew this was important to her or she wouldn’t have brought him here.

“Ethan was my twin brother & my best friend Coop.” She said lovingly.


To Be Continued…

Copyright © Shanna L. Beck a.k.a. CoopFan1 September / 2007

[Shanna]

Title: How Do I Tell You

Author: CoopFan1

Couple/Show: Coop and Ashlee/Guiding Light

Rating: Most likely completely PG… or possibly PG-13, depending on where the story goes later

Summary: This story is about Coop/Ashlee as well as the Mother/Daughter dynamic between Doris & Ashlee. It is a back story of sorts as to why Doris is the way she is & why she treats Ashlee the way she does.

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Chapter 5: Memories of Ethan…

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Coop knew Ashlee was watching him for a reaction but he just sat there in silence as her last sentence replayed in his head, “Ethan was my twin brother & my best friend Coop.” He turned his head to look at her; taking his fingers he touched her face, her beautiful face.

“You’re a twin?” he said surprised. She nodded.

Finally wrapping his mind around the idea Coop saw her eyes & saw the love & sadness in them. Scooting closer to Ashlee he smiled as he pulled her to sit beside him, “Tell me about Ethan?” he asked quietly.

She smiled at him as he wiped the tears away, “Where to begin?”

“Try the beginning, I’m here for you.” He stated.

She smiled as she thought of her brother, “We were only 8 minutes apart when we were born. Ethan loved knowing he came first & I came second, he liked knowing he had a little sister he could watch out for; we were close. Even though we were the same age he acted like a big brother & he protected me. But as we grew, it became clear to anyone & especially to me that Ethan was Doris’s favorite of the two of us, she always let him do what he wanted. I didn’t begrudge him that; I knew my brother was mine although Doris had begun to let me know in various ways she chose Ethan. As we grew older Ethan began to notice the way Doris would treat me at times & go out of his way to protect me from mom’s harsh words. I remember there were times when Ethan would defend me against mom’s words.”

“I remember when I was 12 I was in the back yard with Ethan & Eric & mom hadn’t liked something I’d done so she’d come out to the back to let me know how I’d disappointed her. I listened obediently then turned to walk away from her as she stood there watching. I tried to stop my tears but I couldn’t & I remember Ethan running over & hugging me; as I held on to him I remember him quietly saying, “You got me, go ahead & cry I won’t let you go.” As I held on to him crying I saw Eric walk up beside me & touch my hair as he also said, “You got me too sweetness… your brother & I will protect you.”

“It was after that, that we became a circle of three & Eric & I became really good friends.”

“Who was Eric?” Coop asked quietly.

“Eric was Ethan’s best friend & as we grew up together, he knew me & vice versa but didn’t really do a lot of things together. He was over at our house a lot & because of that Eric became like a brother to me. They both had been watching the scene that had unfolded in the back yard that day & they knew it hurt me & ever since then they would watch out for me & include me in things. That’s why Eric nicknamed me sweetness, because to him I was a little sister.”

“But you see Coop, Ethan knew I was hurt that day & that mom shouldn’t have treated me that way & he wanted to keep me safe… as long as I was with my brother--. ” She started to say but stopped. Coop knew what she meant, “Ethan knew as long as you were with him Doris couldn’t get to you because she favored him.”

Ashlee nodded as tears filled her eyes. “I miss you Ethan.” She whispered. Coop squeezed her hand.

With tears in his own eyes at what she was reliving he continued, “Ash? Tell me what happened to Ethan?”

“I don’t know if I can Coop.” she replied honestly.

“Take your time… we have all day.” He responded.

“The three of us had just turned 16 & been driving for a while. One afternoon, Eric came to the house and asked if we wanted to go get some ice cream. Doris had told Ethan to go have fun but yet when I got up to go with them, Mom said absolutely not! I remember my brother had looked at mom really funny… she’d made some remark about me having to stay & do my homework. Ethan knew that was not true… he’d seen through mom she had just not wanted me to go. So with a hug and an I Love You from Ethan; he & Eric were gone to get Ice cream. I never saw him again.”

“What happened?”

“I had been doing some laundry while mom had been working when someone rang our doorbell. When I’d finally gone into the living room Mom was sitting there with a cop & she was crying. I asked what happened even though I’d sensed it had to do with Ethan & Eric & Doris couldn’t tell me so the cop did.”

“The boys had been coming back from the ice cream store & on-coming truck had swerved into their lane & they tried to swerve to miss it & by doing so they ran off the road enough that the tires lost traction & they ran head on in to a tree, killing my brother instantly & severely injuring Eric.”

When Mom & I had gotten to the scene they were taking care of Eric & Doris went to see his body while I stayed by Eric. It had been verified that Ethan had been killed & when she would have dragged me home which she intended to do I refused & said I was going to the hospital with Eric.

Mom followed us to the hospital & spent the time on the phone.

“Did she not give you time to mourn Ethan?” Coop wondered. Ashlee shook her head, “Once her favored child was gone that was it… my grief as his twin didn’t count… only hers.”

“That’s not right!”

“No it’s not… I lost my twin… the person that was a part of me, the person I was closest too. I still grieve for Ethan everyday but it was in my grief that I realized Ethan while alive had given me more strength than I would have ever had. So, I did what he’d asked me while he’d been alive… to live, be the Ashlee he loved & the smart girl he knew I could be because he believed in me. So, I applied myself & the following year I won an academic award & received at school but Doris wasn’t there to see it—when I got home she was with her best friend & upon seeing my award told me I could do better then got mad at me. She asked if I’d known what that day was; I told her yes, I can’t forget… the day I received my award was exactly a year from when Ethan was killed. I left her alone after that.

“What about Eric?” Coop asked. “I would learn after Ethan’s funeral that later in the week when Eric woke up in the hospital that Doris during her time on the phone not only was planning for my brother’s funeral but she had called the cops on Eric…. She had him arrested for reckless driving that led to death by vehicular homicide.”

Coop dropped his head in his hands, Doris you’re a piece of work!” he thought to himself.

It finally came to a meeting & mom said he deserved to be in jail but she would drop the charges only with the stated, “Eric had to leave town immediately---.”

“I need a break Coop--.” Ashlee stated as she stood walking away from him.


To Be Continued…

Copyright © Shanna L. Beck a.k.a. CoopFan1 September / 2007.