Just To Be With You (Completed)

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 15

A few mentions here: In order for GusH to be where I want them at this point in the story I have had to move time up. Harley is now 5 months pregnant and Gus has been with her at her doctor’s appointments. They don’t know the sex of the baby yet. Gus and Harley have been talking and she has let him know that she wants to have the baby there at home so Gus can be where he can help her.

Between Chap 14 and 15 Gus has hit a plateau of sorts with the GBS in those months… the GBS is no better no worse and the paralysis is still there.

The next section of story will take place over a few chapters. I will be writing these chapters a bit differently. At a certain point… any and all dialogue that takes place mainly with GusH but also at times with Buzz, Frank, Coop, & Lizzie. Gus’s dialogue & thoughts will be shown in ( ).

Lone Palm, here are the scenes you asked about! Hope I can capture the emotion you are seeing that they can do.

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The family was sitting around the table just visiting and having a good time, and trying to figure out a game to play. Ever since Gus had been sick they had decided to get together twice a week for some family time and tonight was one of those times.

Everyone was there except Coop and Lizzie and Alex. Harley had sent Coop out with Lizzie so they could have some time without the family and Alex had said she just wanted a quiet night at home. So, sitting around the table was Gus and Harley, Frank, Buzz, Marina and the boys. Buzz was joking with his son-in-law while the others were arguing over which game to play.

Frank looked over at his sister just in time to see Gus drop his hand from the nape of Harley’s neck where he’d be absently massaging it. She looked over and he nodded at his hand and shook his head. Taking his hand in hers she leaned in kissing his cheek. He continued watching them even when she whispered softly to him.

Neither knew that Frank watched when Harley looked over at her husband after she had felt him drop his hand from the back of her neck. Seeing his reaction she took his hand and held it; leaning over to kiss his cheek she whispered, “Its okay honey.” No, its not, I hate when I can’t touch you.” He answered back angrily. She looked at his face as he watched her. Frank had never seen so much love in just a single look before. Kissing her quickly Gus just let his eyes roam. He couldn’t help but smile when she looked at him like that.

Finally, when his touch came back Gus pushed himself from the table and headed to the refrigerator. Not realizing he was farther from the door when he stretched to put the drink back inside the front of the chair tipped down as the wheels rolled overbalancing him as he fell. “Gus!!!” Marina yelled as she saw it happen. Everyone turned and jumped up as he rolled to keep from hitting his head.

“Daddy?” the boys cried reaching him. “GO Away!” The boys quietly walked away to stand with Marina. “Baby, give us a second.” Harley replied. “Just leave me alone Harley!” he replied on a shout. Stepping away even as he pushed himself to sit up then dropping his head she turned, “Give us a minute everybody.” She asked softly and after talking to Frank for a second he walked with her to him and helped her to the floor to sit sideways behind Gus. Quietly everyone one left them.

Wrapping her arm around his upper chest she pulled him to her, “Lean back on me.” She said even as he relaxed into her, “I’ll squish you and the baby.” He responded trying to smile as he said it. “No, you won’t.” “god, Harley, I can’t even get my own glass of juice anymore. This is so damn frustrating!” was his agonizing replied.

“Shhh, I know it is.” She answered caressing a hand down the side of his face. What kind of husband can I be too you… what kind of father can I be to the boys much less a brand new baby?” he asked seriously.

“You’ll be the same husband and father you’ve always been Gus, loving, caring, gentle, sweet, protective, strong, and someone that loves us all fiercely. “Even like this?” he responded motioning to his body. “Even like this, this disease hasn’t changed who you are inside sweetheart. I love you with all my heart… the boys love you so much you know that.” He nodded. “Harley I love you so much it hurts sometimes and I couldn’t love the boys anymore than I do.” He said sliding to where he could sit beside her. Placing his hand on her tummy, he smiled when he felt a kick, “I hope this baby loves me just as much.” “There is no question that this one does. Let’s get you up so we can play that game. He smiled as she called Frank and her dad back in.

After Frank helped Harley up he helped Gus stand and Buzz held the chair still as he got in it. Seeing the boys, he motioned them over, “Guys I’m really sorry I yelled at you. Daddy wasn’t mad at you I promise. Daddy was mad at himself for falling. I don’t like being sick like this and sometimes it gets to be too much. I’m so sorry can you forgive me?” he asked as they hugged him. “Yes, daddy we forgive you we know how much you love us.” Zach said. “That’s right I do! Now let’s play a little bit before you guys head to bed.” They nodded and the game began.

They were all still playing the game an hour and a half later after a brief break to get the boys to bed. Harley looked up from her cards to say something to Gus when he looked at her as he turned white and started gasping. “My chest… honey!” His eyes shot to her face to memorize it, his worst nightmare was coming true… this disease was going to win; he knew he was leaving her. She took his hand, “Frank call 9-1-1 now!” she said even as she tried not to panic. “I’m on it sis.” Frank stated grabbing for his cell phone. “Daddy, call Dr. Johnson, his number’s by the phone… tell him what’s going on and that Gus is coming by ambulance.” He nodded as he ran out. Gus stared at her even as he continued gasping. “It… hurts.” He tried to say barely getting it out. “Easy, honey” she said as she placed her hand on his chest.

“Sis they’ll be here in five minutes.” Frank said coming back in and kneeling by them. Her fear was rising because his gasping was becoming worse. They watched each other as he gasped for air. “Stay with me Gus.” she said softly for him alone even as a tear landed on his face. “Harley, the doctor will meet you there.” Buzz said walking in. He continued to stare at her even as his eyes began to close. “Hear me Aitoro, don’t leave me!!” she said even as he opened his eyes to see her tears. “Hurts,” he whispered again. “I know… just hold on baby.” She said. “I’m not letting you go!” He nodded that he heard her as he tightened his hand in hers. “Sis… paramedics are here.” Frank said trying to move her so they could reach Gus.

She felt like she was someone else as she told them his history. All she could hear was his gasping. He saw her as they lifted him to take him out. Reaching for her hand he held it, “I love you.” He whispered. “Shhh don’t try and talk. I’ll be right behind you okay. I love you too, don’t leave me handsome.” She said quietly kissing his hand.

“Daddy go with him please?” Buzz nodded

Frank had to hold her up as she let go of his hand and watched as the paramedics took him out. Turning she looked at Marina, “I’ll watch the boys… go! Go! Her niece replied. “Thanks. Call Coop and tell him to get Lizzie to the hospital now!” Harley shouted behind her as Frank led her out.

Hospital…

“Mrs. Aitoro?” a nurse asked when she walked in. She nodded and the nurse continued, “Dr. Johnson is with your husband now he’s over in the second room on the left. He’ll be out when he can.” She said then walked away. Seeing her dad she went to him and looked through the window. “Noo, Daddy, noo.” She said as he stood behind her rubbing her back. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The doctor was placing a tube down his throat and placing him on a ventilator to help him breathe, he also placed him on a heart monitor. After doing that he walked out.

“Okay Harley, let me explain. “Gus is breathing on his own but it’s very shallow so in order to try and stabilize him I had to put him on a ventilator. Second when I got to him, he had passed out because when the paralysis reached the chest it moved quickly and the chest along with his legs is paralyzed. I have noticed that two places are not and that is his face and left hand. She closed her eyes,

“Everything else is paralyzed?” “Yes, as I said it moved quickly.”

“Will he come out of it?” She asked quietly. “Harley, Gus is coherent; he can hear you, that’s all I can tell you right now. He most likely will be groggy and go in and out after he wakes up. From here he will be monitored closely and we’ll just have to watch and see.

“Will I loose him Brett?” “I wish I could give you a definite answer but with GBS I can’t.” he replied. “I understand. Can I see him?” she asked. “Of course, Harley will you be alright?” the doctor asked laying his hand lightly over her stomach.

She nodded, “My family and Gus’s niece Lizzie are on his visitor’s list right?” “Yes they are. If you or he needs anything let me know.” He said. “Thanks Brett.” She answered as she slipped in the door.

Sitting on his left side she caressed his face, “Hey sweetheart, I’m here. I had to talk to Brett before I could come in. Can you here me Gus? If you can hear me squeeze my hand honey.” She asked laying her hand in his. When nothing happened she kissed his cheek. You promised me honey.” She whispered “Just rest I’ll be here.”

“I love you. I’m fine, the munchkin is fine but the baby wants daddy.” She said as she began to stroke his face again.

A few minutes later, Harley glanced up and saw Coop standing with Lizzie. Kissing him softly she went to them.

“Harley! Noooo!” Lizzie whispered. Pushing her hair back, she smiled. “Lizzie, he’s still here sweetie, but there is a few things you need to know about, here let’s sit down. She said motioning to the couch once the three were sitting she explained what Brett had said.

“So we just have to wait?” Coop asked. When she nodded he hit his fist on his leg.

“I’m going to go back in.” Harley replied as Coop helped her stand and hugged her then she slipped through the door.

Coop stood with Lizzie as they looked on through the window.

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To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus November / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 16

Okay ladies, I have placed a 2+ Kleenex warning on this chapter below since it deals with Harley being scared.

This will be a long chapter in order for me to wrap up a few things so they can be where they are in the next chapter. ~~ GG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brett stood at the door to Gus’s room and just watched her; he didn’t want to interrupt her quite yet so he watched to see if there was a reaction from Gus as he listened

“Morning baby.” She whispered kissing his lips softly. “You’re okay, I’m here and I’m not going any where. You said that to me once before remember? I expect you to keep that promise now. Do you hear me?” Brett smiled at her words but continued to watch the monitors. “I know you are probably thinking I should go home and rest and take care of myself and the baby, well the baby and I, were fine sweetie.” He saw when the heart monitor’s rhythm steadied a bit more. Knocking quietly she looked up and smiled, “Hi Harley, I just came by to check on him. He knows you’re here.”

“He does?” she asked. The doctor nodded, yeah I saw his heart beat steady a bit more while you were talking.” She caressed his face as she looked up at the monitors, “Which tells you when his breathing begins to stabilize?” The doctor walked to the monitor, “see this line right here?” he asked pointing to a line with his finger. She nodded, “Well this is the ventilator rhythm -- the line right under it that’s rapid and spiked is Gus’s breathing this tells me its still real shallow, when stabilized it will become more even and steadier. Whenever I see it like that I’ll take him off the ventilator and see how well he breathes on his own.” he said turning to face her.

“I’ve cleared it where only you have full access 24 hrs Harley but if it gets to be too much on you I’ll send you home you got that. Gus wouldn’t want you to over do it and endanger yourself or his child.” She nodded, “I got it.” “Good now visitor’s can come in for fifteen minutes every hour. She nodded as he checked his chart then walked out.

She spent time through out the day talking to him so he could hear her voice or quiet moments caressing or stroking his face so he would feel touch. It was during one of these times that she glanced up and saw Coop standing outside. Motioning him in; he opened the door

“Hey sis, I thought I’d come check on you, him? Any change?” Coop asked quietly. She shook her head, “No but the doctor says he can hear me so I’m just sitting here talking and waiting for him to open his eyes.” Walking to her he knelt beside her and began to rub her arm softly. “If you need anything let me know okay” he asked. She nodded, “How’s Lizzie?”

“She’s afraid, that’s part of why I came back here so I could check on him for her.” She smiled, “Tell her that he’s still holding his own and no change.” He nodded as he left her.

“You hear that, Aitoro? She asked looking again at his face. “Lizzie’s outside waiting for you to wake up. “You told her you wouldn’t leave her so she’s depending on you to still be here honey. She caresses his face again to reassure him that she’s there and to be reassured that he’s beside her.

Later that afternoon, after she’d eaten the lunch that Lizzie and Frank brought to her she talked to him a little more and in the quiet of the room with the clicking of the ventilator and the steady beat of the heart monitor Harley fell asleep.

He stood inside the door and watched her as she slept. He hated to wake her but he needed to see her face. Going to her he knelt down beside her.

“Harley, sweetheart.” He said quietly. Hearing his voice she slowly opened her eyes.

“Gus?”

“Right here baby.” He replied smiling. She didn’t say anything to him as her eyes roamed over him. “You’re okay?” Watching her for a minute he stroked her cheek, “As long as we are with each other, I am. And you know that we’re always together here.” He said placing his hand over his heart. He carefully placed his hand on her tummy, “You need to go home and rest for a while at some point honey… sleeping here isn’t going to help your back any.” “How did you know about my back?” she asked puzzled. He smiled, “I know every inch of you. Promise me.” She nodded, “But I can’t leave you.” “I know you’re with me hon, I’ll be here baby, you know that. “I love you.” He said, “Take care of our munchkin.” He said with a wink and then disappeared.

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She came awake with a jolt as she felt a hand on her arm, “Sorry sis.” Frank replied quietly. Looking over she felt tears as she saw Gus still on the bed. “Harley why don’t you take a little break honey I’ll stay with him.” Her brother replied. She nodded, “I think I will, I’m going to the chapel and then I need to go check on the boys.” He nodded as he helped her stand then walk to the bed and leaned down to kiss his lips softly, “I’m going to leave and go home for a bit sweetie but I promise I’ll be back. Frank is here with you.”

With one last look she headed to the chapel, slipping into a pew she stared ahead at the stained glass window and the cross sitting in front of it. Silent tears slipped from her eyes as she took a deep breath.

“God, it’s about Gus… I’m not exactly sure where to begin, wait yes I do, save him please!!! I can’t live without my husband the man I love and my children can’t loose their daddy. Why is this happening to us? After all we’ve been through to be together – don’t take him from me!!! She said fiercely but quietly as the tears rested on her cheeks. This disease is slowly taking him from me, I know it!! I can’t loose him. He’s strong let him have strength to continue this fight please.” She said quietly then sat there in silence.

“Harley?” She turned, “Father Ray what are you doing here?” I do my rounds up here in case they need me; are you okay?” he asked.

“Gus is sick and been hospitalized; he’s paralyzed from the chest down due to his illness Ray.” “Oh Harley I’m sorry.” She nodded and looked at him. They sat together for a few minutes, “Does Lucia know?” he asked glancing at her. Pinching the bridge of her nose she shook her head, “No.” “Don’t you think she should know?” he wondered. Harley nodded, “Please tell her for me and tell her that if she’d like to visit him she can but that’s up to her.” He nodded as she stood and left the chapel.

Stopping at the nurse’s station she talked to the nurse for a minute then watched as the nurse added a name to Gus’s visitor’s list just in case then walked to the waiting room.

When Buzz, Lizzie, and Coop saw her they stood, “What’s happened?” they asked. “Nothing, no change I needed a change of scenery. Matter fact I need to go check on the boys and get some clothes to bring back with me so I’m going to get outta here for a little bit, Frank is sitting with Gus now, daddy.” He nodded. Lizzie saw Coop’s face when his sister had come through the door and went to him, “Coop go with your sister, I’ll stay here with Buzz.” She replied

“Are you sure?” She nodded and he hugged her, “Come on sis, I’ll take you.” “No stay with Lizzie.” Harley remarked. “Harley let Coop take you where you need to go.” Buzz requested. She nodded as she hugged Lizzie, “We’ll call if there’s any change.” “Thanks.” Lizzie nodded and watched as Coop placed his hand at her back and they left the hospital.

“Coop can you call Marina at Company and check on the boys for me while you drive?” she asked. “Sure.” He answered dialing the number then talking to Marina. He looked over at her, “She says the boys are fine but Zach wants to talk to you okay?” Reaching for the phone Coop placed it in her hand and then placing his hand in her other held it as he continued to drive.

“Hey cutie.” She replied when Zach got on the phone. “What’d you want to tell me?” she said and listened, “Oh you did? You and your brother made pictures for daddy? I’ll have to let him know when I see him again in just a little bit.” Coop squeezed her hand again as she continued, “Yeah I’ll have Coop or Uncle Frank come by and get them for Daddy ok…. Yeah you got it sweetie I’ll tell him. I love you too be good for Marina.” She said then hung up.

“I’ll go by and get them sis.” She nodded, “Can you head to the house now?” she asked. He nodded.

At the house she let herself in and turned to her brother as he stopped her. “Do what you need to Harley I’ll wait here for as long as you need to take so take your time.” He responded as she headed up stairs while he slid to the floor in front of the door to stay out of her way. He could tell she was about to loose it and wanted her to have the time she needed.

Upstairs, Harley grabbed a duffel bag from the closet then went through the dresser picking out clothes for her that would be comfortable and she even got some of Gus’s clothes in case Dr. Johnson said he could where his pajama pants once he woke plus socks for him as well. Once she had all that packed she yelled for Coop and he came up to take the bag down for her. Without a word she began to wonder around the room, everywhere she glanced Gus’s mark was there. His bathrobe hung on the back of the bathroom door, his watch sat on the dresser and his cologne lingered in the air.

Heading downstairs she went to the kitchen even though Coop still waited at the door. She stopped in the middle of the kitchen as memories bombarded her; all she could see as she looked around were the times he kissed her there.

When he’d come up behind her while she would cook; wrapping himself around her then kissing her jaw or her cheek. Or when he’d spin her into a slow dance and gently and lovingly kiss her. She smiled as she thought of all the other various times he’d come to her and just hug her only because he wanted to hold her.

She moved out of the kitchen and into the room that Gus used. She smiled when she thought of the nights they snuggled together then her eyes landed on their wedding picture. Reaching over she picked it up and holding it close walked to the family room. Coop saw her coming and went to stand behind her. She froze and swayed; her brother held her as she went down and sat holding her,

“We’re always together.” She whispered. “What?” Coop replied holding her closer. “I dreamed about him while I was asleep earlier and he was whole and smiling at me Coop and that’s what he said to me.” she said crying. “Oh honey.” “I’m loosing him to this disease -- the thought of him not being with me… oh god!!” Coop slowly rocked while she cried.

“Sweetie, he loves you so much, you guys are having a baby he wouldn’t leave that. He is so happy to know he’s going to be a father.”

“But he can’t fight this paralysis; its slowly killing him, he knew it when they took him out of here.” Harley said quietly. “He won’t give up Harley. Now I know I didn’t like him when I came back but after watching him with you sis, I see that he loves you like you deserve.” She held on tighter as he let her cry out her fear and frustration at their situation.

“Sis breathe slow before you give my niece or nephew in there the hiccups.” He stated softly against her ear.

After a little while when her sobs died down they sat in silence while Coop held her hand. “I want to get back to Gus.” she said slowly. He nodded as he stood then helped her up and after picking up the duffel back for her he locked the door and they headed back.

At the Hospital…

She walked in his room with Coop following as Frank stood, “There’s been no change sis and Dr. Johnson was here once to check on him, he said that physical wise he’s stable except for his breathing.

“Okay Frank, Thanks.” She replied. When she stopped they heard the double beep of the heart monitor. “He knows I’m here.” She said when her brothers’ eyes flew to the monitors. “Sis I set the bag inside the door on the chair for when you need it.” Coop said moving to hug her, “He won’t leave you… believe that.” He whispered in her ear. She hugged him tight, “I’m trying.”

“We’ll be in the waiting room if you need us.” Frank stated before they left her with him. Going to him she sat down and stroked his face and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I’m here sweetheart.”

St. Michael’s Parish…

Lucia sat so still as Father Ray relayed his information. When he was silent he laid his hand on her shoulder for a few minutes then with a quiet, “If you need something, let me know.” He left her alone.

“Nicky’s sick.” She whispered to herself. “Do I go to him?” She wanted to because he was her son and Harley said she could come if she wished—she wasn’t sure what to do…. Do I have the right to go to him now?? She shook her head. “I don’t know.” She said staring. “No, he has Harley now… he doesn’t want me there.” She said answering herself. She stood then knelt; lighting a candle she said a prayer for her son.

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To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus November / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 17

The song that will be used in this chapter just fell into my lap and when I listened to it, it fit perfectly with GusH’s situation at this point. When I listen to it I see the 1st half = Harley and the 2nd half after the small bridge = Gus. A 2+ Kleenex warning here too. Let me know what you think. I'm working on a new chapter ~~ GG

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“Harley?” the voice said as she turned and saw Lizzie standing there. “Hey Sweetie.” She answered. “Do you mind if I sit with him?” Harley shook her head, “You want me to stay or leave?” “Stay please.” Lizzie asked. “Here take my seat Lizzie.” Harley said standing up. “Why?” his niece wondered, “Because on this side you can hold his hand and talk to him since this hand isn’t paralyzed and plus I need to stretch and walk for a bit anyway, so take my seat.”

Harley saw Coop still watching from the window and went to the door. “Hey sweetie,” she remarked when he kissed her cheek. “Can you do a few things for me?”

“Anything.”

“Will you see if Frank can ask the nurses to bring a second chair in here for me, plus I need you to go by Company and get the boys pictures and while you’re there get a burger for me—cafeteria food is well…” she said making a face. He laughed softly.

“Well dad’s got the food covered, he’s gone to get food for all of us so he’ll be back in a few minutes, Frank will be here if you need anything else and I can go get the boys’ pictures, is there anything else you need me to get?” She thought for a minute; back to the conversation she had with Dr. Johnson earlier. “Yeah can you go by the house and bring back the little cd-radio that’s sitting on the kitchen counter?” she asked. He nodded then stuck his head in the door

“Lizzie?” She turned and looked at him, “I need to run do a few things but I’ll be back okay?” She nodded, “Alright.” He blew her a kiss and then Harley stared as he walked to the foot of the bed, “Hey Gus, it’s Coop, you have to get better man, Harley and Lizzie are waiting for you.” Then he turned and walked out to head on those errands.

Harley smiled at her brother’s back for a minute and then walked over to the packed bag and pulled out a picture. Going to a spot she set the picture down where Gus could easily see it. “What is that Harley?” Lizzie wondered. “It’s our wedding picture.” She replied

“Mrs. Aitoro?” Harley turned when she heard her name. “Your brother asked that another chair be brought in for you.” The orderly remarked as he set it in place for her. “Thank you.” He nodded and left.

“Harley, can Gus feel anywhere else?” Lizzie asked quietly. She stopped walking and looked at her, “Yes the only places that aren’t paralyzed right now are his hand and his face, that’s why I told you to take my seat.” “Let’s alternate Harley please.” She nodded, and listened quietly to Lizzie while her mind wondered to another woman that she hoped would decide to be here.

St. Michael’s…

Lucia lit a candle and then sat down and quietly prayed. After a few minutes, Father Ray sat beside her. “Why don’t you go see him?”

“I don’t want to bother them.” She replied. “Harley said you could come see him, she doesn’t mind ---.” “---I know she doesn’t but I honestly don’t know if I can work up enough courage to go see him Ray.”

He nodded, “I’m going there to do rounds would you like me to see how he is doing?” She nodded, “But don’t bother Harley.” He gave her a small smile, “Alright, I’ll let you know when I come back.” He responded then left her alone to pray.

Hospital…

“Here Harley let me throw the wrapper away for you.” Lizzie replied taking the wrappers from the burgers and throwing them away then sitting back down again.

“When’s your next doctor’s appointment?” Harley smiled. “In a few we--.” She stopped when the double beep started. “What’s wrong?” Lizzie asked alarmed when she heard the sound. Not answering her Harley leaned over and stroked his face softly, “Hey baby it’s okay—the baby is healthy so am I; we are just waiting for you to open your eyes.” She said continuing to stroke his face as the beep steadied again.

“That was Gus?” Lizzie asked surprised. Harley nodded, “Yeah he can hear and occasionally something that he hears triggers a reaction from him and his heartbeat will rise… in this case it was the mention of the baby.” “Does he know I’m here?” Lizzie asked. Harley nodded, “Yes he does sweetie, but right now his body needs more rest than activity until his breathing stabilizes.”

“Sis?” Coop says from the door way, “I got what you asked for.” “Good can you place the radio right there ---.” He interrupted her, “I’ll hang the pictures where you want them.” She nodded as he plugged in the radio. Taking the tape from his back pocket they discussed for a minute where would be the best place then Coop taped them up.

“Alright Gus you have very special art work on your walls you need to wake up and see.” Coop replied. Harley gasped and they turned to look at her just as he moved his fingers then squeezed her hand.

“I think he’s waking up.” She said watching him. “We’ll send in the doctor.” They replied and ran out.

“Sweetheart, I’m with you… open your eyes.” Harley said softly. “Harley? What’s going on?” Brett asked, “Your brother and Lizzie said he might be waking up.” She nodded, “He moved his fingers and squeezed my hand.

“Okay, let’s try something.” He replied stepping over to him and placed his hand in Gus’s.

“Gus, its Dr. Johnson… if you can hear me I want you to squeeze my hand.” He replied as he felt his hand being squeezed. “Good, now I want you to try and open your eyes okay.” They watched for a minute and then they saw as he slowly opened his eyes even as he tried to move his lips and couldn’t, when he couldn’t his eyes widen.

“Hey welcome back Gus,” Seeing his reaction Brett continued, “stay calm, your okay, you have a tube down your throat and a ventilator working, helping you breathe right now. “When the paralysis got to your chest it moved quickly so we had to put you on a ventilator to help stabilize your breathing.” (What about the paralysis?) Reading the question in his eyes the doctor nodded, “You are paralyzed from the chest down Gus, we just need to wait and see if the paralysis in the chest begins to fade.”

Gus began trying to look around so Brett stepped out from in front of Harley so he could see her and with a touch to her shoulder she nodded, “Can you tell my family?” she asked. “Of course, rest Gus, I’ll check back later.” He said leaving them.

(I’m leaving here and this is my goodbye!) he thought knowing if the chest paralysis didn’t fade… staring at her a single tear ran slowly down his cheek. “Hi baby.” She said softly touching his face even while in her head she was thinking, “Oh no, this disease is taking him and this is my last chance.”

"Sweetie to make it easy to talk for now how about 2 blinks for yes and 3 for no?” she replied. She watched as he blinked twice.

Squeezing her hand, she saw where his eyes moved, (The baby what about the baby?) Smiling she answered, “the baby’s good sweetheart, Dr. Sedwick has come up here at different times to check on me and the baby to see if were okay. Our son / daughter is healthy and strong if these kicks I’m getting are any indication. Taking his hand from hers she moved closer to the bed and placed his hand carefully on her tummy then lay her hand over his. “See the munchkin’s fine.” She answered using his nickname for the baby.

“Do you want some music to play softly in the background while we talk?” she wondered. He blinked twice and she stood and began to roll the dial carefully. He heard the faint opening chords of a song and recognizing it; slapped his hand gently on the bed -- she saw it and turned up the volume a bit then sat down taking his hand.

(How can I say goodbye to my girl)

She listened as the song began to play:

If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again

She had recognized the song too but had hoped he hadn’t. When he had motioned for her to stop she knew he had and this was there way together.

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would've shown
If I had only known

(Oh if I could have only stopped time that final night, as we lay snuggled together in bed --- I could hold Harley and our baby forever) he thought watching her.

“I’m not letting you go that easily Aitoro, you understand, we will get through this and beat the odds and we’ll be together when the baby is born.” Harley replied after turning the volume back down to where the radio could be heard faintly.

“You’re not leaving me that easily are you?” She saw him blink three times. “Good I’m holding you to that.” She said as she stretched her back. “I can see your sleepy just go to sleep for a while and I’ll be here when you wake up, relax honey.” He closed his eyes for a minute when she kissed his cheek then opened them again when she started talking, “I’m going to go walk around a bit to stretch and get exercise but I’ll be back in a few minutes okay, you just rest.” He blinked twice and watched her leave the room.

Outside she stopped when tears flooded her eyes, “He’s awake finally. Thank you.” She whispered.

A little farther down the hall a woman waited trying to gather courage to go to Gus’s room. Taking one slow step she began.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus November / 2005

Song Credit: “If I Had Only Known” by Reba McEntire

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 18

This chapter will be written a bit differently. There will be two conversations… The one Gus will be having will be written in italics and the 2nd one will be written normally. It probably will be a short chapter. ~~ GG

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He watches the door as Harley walks away and then begins to drift off as sleep begins to take him. As he relaxes he starts to dream of his childhood and the two women in his life.

“Mama I knew you’d come… I need you.” Not realizing Lucia had walked into the room he smiled as the two faces he saw blended into one, the one he needed.

“Hey Nicky, sweetheart?” Angela replied. “Mama what are you doing here?” “I’m here because you wanted your mom honey.” “Dr. Johnson is taking good care of me.” He said softly as he went to stand beside her and put his arm around her waist hugging her to him.

“I know he is Nicky, but all mothers’ worry about their children.” She replied. “Why didn’t you come sooner?” Angela turned in closer even as she looked at her son and then answered, “I didn’t at first because I knew you had Harley, but I realized you still wanted me with you, to hold your hand, to tell you everything will be fine.”

“Will it mama? Will I win over this and be the husband my girl needs and the father my children need? --- Did you know Harley and I are having a baby?” he asked grinning. She laughed softly, “Yes I did sweetheart, you are a wonderful father to Zach and Jude and you will be to this baby too. I won’t lie to you; you still have a rough road baby but the worst will be over soon.”

“I can’t leave Harley Mama.” Gus remarked. “You won’t, you’re just like your dad in that respect. He was stubborn and loved the people he loved fiercely.”

She saw him smile then his eyes turn stormy. “What honey?”

“I’m scared mom, what if I’m on a ventilator for the rest of my life?” Angela stopped his flow of words with a finger to his lips, “Nicky once your breathing stabilizes Dr. Johnson will check to see how well you can breathe by yourself and if he sees improvement you won’t stay on the ventilator baby. What you need to do is relax enough that your body can do what it needs to do.” She said.

“The tightness in my chest hurts mom.” “I know Nicky, come on sweetie you need rest… I’ll stay with you until you go back to sleep baby.” “You will?” “Of course.” She replied gently taking his arm and leading him back to the bed. Once getting settled she covered him then sat on the bed beside him taking his hand.

Letting sleep take him he began to relax with his mama near and as he drifted he let her voice echo in his ears.

“Oh Nicky I wish I could somehow help you.” Lucia said quietly as she watched over her son. “I was so scared when Father Ray told me you were sick so I prayed for you all the time when I said my prayers. I tried to stay away, really Nicky I did but the more I thought of you up here in this hospital I had to come see you, even if you knew I were here you’d want me to go and I’d understand.”

She sat in silence for a few minutes memorizing her son’s features. “I know Harley said it was okay for me to be here, and I hope you understand but the more I thought about you I just couldn’t stay away. Tonight maybe the only time I come up here I don’t know I may come again.

Lucia slowly bowed her head in prayer even as Gus in his head was hearing Angela. After a few minutes Lucia stood and went to his side and very softly kissed his cheek then whispered, “I love you Nicky.” Angela watched her sleeping son. “I’ll be here if you need me—I love you Nicky.”

With a last look at Gus Lucia wiped away a tear as she walked out of the room. Harley was just walking back up when the ding of the elevator for some reason caught her attention and she looked up. When she did she saw a glimpse of Lucia’s face right before the door shut.

“So you did come to see him.” She said with a small smile as she went back into his room.

Going to the side of the bed she sat down, “Honey I’m back sweetie.” She said softly as she let the recliner out and beside him went to sleep. Not realizing that she knew he could tell when she was back in the room. Some of tightness began to ease and between knowing Angela was there and Harley was there he could rest and his breathing rhythm from the monitors changed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus November / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 19

Okay, Gus is still on a ventilator and is using the blink system to still communicate. This is 2 weeks since the last chapter and he dreams of Angela nightly but doesn’t realize that since that 1st time Lucia just comes to sit with him at night –talking very little to him. Harley knows she comes and tries to steer clear to give her time. One night Lucia and Harley both sat with him. ~~ GG

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Harley stretched and wiped her eyes as she sat up. Realizing Gus was awake she smiled and bent to kiss his cheek. He’d been moved to a regular room a few days before with strict instructions from Dr. Johnson that he still be monitored.

“How long have you been awake, a half hour?” she asked since he had to answer with yes and no still. He blinked twice. (I wanted to watch you sleep, you’re tired honey.) She knew the look he was giving her, “Let me guess, you were watching me sleep.” He blinked twice again.

The nurse stuck her head in, “Mrs. Aitoro I need to change his IV bag.” Harley nodded as she walked in. Harley watched the nurse as she changed out the bags and began the new one so Gus wouldn’t get dehydrated. With a smile she left them.

Before she could say anymore there was another knock and Gus cut his eyes to the door as Lizzie stuck her head in. Seeing her he thought (hey cutie!) “You up for some visitors Gus?” she wondered. Blinking twice Harley relayed his answer and Lizzie walked in with Frank and Coop.

Going to him Lizzie leaned over and kissed him and he squeezed her hand. Frank and Coop stood at the end of the bed.

“Harley let me stay with him while you take a break today.” Lizzie replied while Frank stood behind her massaging her shoulders. Gus blinked twice to answer but Harley refused. “No, I’m okay.”

“Wait, wait, Gus is trying to add his two cents here… help me out Gus.” Frank remarked. He blinked again. “Okay 2 blinks must mean yes… how many for no?” Frank watched Gus blink 3 times.

“Okay yes you want us to do what?” Frank repeated and everyone saw him look at Harley. (Frank, Coop would one of you take her home and make sure she rests please!) Gus screamed in his head.

Coop, thought a minute, “You want sis to go home?” he blinked twice and Harley stared at her husband. “Why?” His eyes slid to her tummy and she followed his gaze. “The baby?” he blinked again. “Sweetheart we’re fine I promise.” She answered him. He blinked three times.

Frank called his name and Gus’s gaze slid to his brother –in– law. “I get you want sis to rest so we’ll do this, how about if Lizzie and I stay with you while Coop takes Harley home and feeds her then she shuts down awhile to rest and then Coop can bring her back later?” he suggested. Gus blinked twice quickly.

“Hey wait don’t I get a say?” Harley wondered. She saw her husband blink three times. Coop chuckled, “Afraid not sis, your hubby has declared it.”

She stood and went to him, “Are you sure?” Gus blinked and carefully lifted his left hand and she took it. “Yeah I know you want us to be safe, okay if it will make you feel better to know I’m sleeping for a while I’ll go home.” She said then kissed the corner of his mouth.

Taking the keys from his pocket, Coop looked at him, “I’ll stay with her.” Gus opened his hand and Coop took it as Gus squeezed.

“Ok Frank, Lizzie, if there is any change or he needs me back here I want you to call me immediately, you got that.” Harley replied. “I got it Harley if he needs you one of us will call.” Lizzie said hugging her. She turned to Frank and quietly talked to him about something and he nodded and then with a look back at Gus; Coop led her from his room and the hospital.

At Home…

“Okay sis, sit down relax and I’ll fix you some lunch and be back.” Her brother said as he went to the kitchen. She laid her head back on the couch and closed her eyes while she waited. When she felt a kick she smiled slightly, “Hey sweetie, daddy’s taking care of us even from his hospital bed.” She replied placing her hand over her tummy.

“Harley, it’s ready.” Coop remarked sitting the tray down on the coffee table until she sat up a little straighter. “I want you to eat it all sis.” He said sitting the tray in her lap and watching her as she began to eat.

When she finished he took the tray back to the kitchen, coming back he helped her stand then walked upstairs with her to the bedroom. She sat on the bed while Coop knelt and slowly pulled her shoes off then lay down. Reaching for the blanket at the end of the bed; he covered her then sat by her, “Now shut down for a while sis and do as Gus wants and rest. He’s fine and if there’s any change Frank or Lizzie will call. Shut out everything and you and my niece or nephew sleep. I’ll be downstairs if you need me, all you have to do is yell.” Coop replied as he watched her eyes close.

He sat with her for a few minutes then closing the door a little went downstairs. Picking up the phone he called Lizzie’s cell. When she picked up he glanced at the stairs then said, “Yeah sweetie its me…. give Gus this message, Harley has had food and is asleep and probably will be for a few hours, she was more tired then she said she was but she and the baby are fine. I’m going catch some sleep here on the couch to while she’s asleep and we’ll be back there later.”

After talking to Lizzie another minute he hung up and went to the couch after grabbing the blanket off the back he stretched out then covered up and within a few minutes he was asleep as well.

Hospital…

Lizzie was quietly talking to Gus while Frank read, “I’m glad you’re going to be okay Gus I really am.” She replied. He squeezed her hand softly. You said you wouldn’t leave me---.” She stopped when he blinked three times. Smiling she continued, “It took me a while to believe that, it wasn’t easy.” (I know it took you a while honey but I fight to stay with those I love.) Gus thought. As she continued talking she saw a pink flash come from her purse. “Hang on Gus.” she said standing then reached in her purse for her phone. Seeing the ID she looked at Frank, “I’m going to take this outside I’ll be back.” She said leaving them and going outside.


“Hey.” She replied when she answered. “How’s Harley?” Lizzie listened for a few minutes, “Yeah I’ll give him the message, he may rest now knowing she is. You know how they are neither will calm down until they know the other is okay. Alright try to sleep and I’ll see you later.” She stated the flipped her phone closed and went back inside.

Frank stopped talking when Lizzie walked in. Sitting back down in the chair she took Gus’s hand as he watched her. “That was Coop.” she replied. Seeing his eyes widen with worry even as he squeezed her hand tightly she continued, “He wanted me to tell you that Harley is fine, she’s had food and now she’s asleep, he said she probably would be for at least a few hours since he could tell she was more tired then she let on before.” Gus blinked twice even as he said to himself (I knew she was more tired then she claimed to be.) “Coop said he was going to get some sleep on the couch while Harley was asleep and they would be back later.” Lizzie finished.

Frank visibly saw Gus’s body relax when he knew Harley was finally asleep and safe. Moving where he could see him Frank watched him, “Gus, you’re tired I can see it, now that sis is okay why don’t you sleep? We’ll be here if you need something.” He blinked twice in answer then Lizzie covered him up a little more. Stroking his cheek she smiled as he watched her, “I love you.” She whispered as he squeezed her hand. (I love you too Lizzie) She sat holding his hand for a while as he drifted off then moved her chair where she could talk to Frank.

“He loves her so much Lizzie.” Frank said quietly. “I know he does. He was worried when I said that was Coop.” Frank nodded, “Yeah I saw him visibly relax when he knew she was resting ---he couldn’t rest until she was safe. They know each other even when they aren’t physically in the same room.”

She nodded glancing at her uncle. “Why don’t we both try and get a nap while he is.” Frank suggested. “Sounds good, we’re all tired.” Lizzie remarked. As Frank drifted off Lizzie read her magazine until she couldn’t keep her eyes open then fell asleep.

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To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus November / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 20

“Ahem…” Brett said at the door to Gus’s room. Looking up Harley smiled but Gus never took his eyes off her. Walking in he stood at the foot of the bed where he could easily be seen by both of them.

“Hey guys, I know its been several weeks since Gus woke up and he’s still been monitored, recently I’ve seen some changes so right now, Gus I need to take you down for some tests okay?” He stared at the doctor for a minute then squeezed Harley’s hand as he blinked twice.

“Can I go with him?” Harley asked.

“I’d rather you not, I’ll let you know what is going on I promise. Why don’t you go wait in the waiting room with your family and get off your feet for a bit. I’ll come get you when he’s back.” Dr. Johnson replied.

Leaning in, Harley brushed hair off Gus’s forehead then quietly said, “I’ll come back when the tests are over okay?” He blinked twice then she continued, “I love you so much.” He squeezed her hand hard even as she kissed the corner of his mouth that wasn’t blocked by the ventilator. Standing she followed the orderlies and the doctor out as they left the room. When she walked into the waiting room all of her family was staring at her since they had seen Gus being wheeled down the hallway.

“Sis, what’s going on?” Frank asked puzzled.

Buzz helped her sit in a chair before she continued, she motioned for Lizzie and when she knelt beside her Harley took her hand, “Apparently Dr. Johnson has noticed some changes with Gus and wanted to run some tests so that’s where he was going.”

“Good or bad changes?” Lizzie asked. “I don’t really know sweetie, Dr. Johnson will tell me when they come back and then all of you can know… but for now we wait.” Lizzie stayed beside her.

“Owww!” Harley stated as the baby kicked. “Honey?” Buzz asked concerned. Placing her hand on her stomach she looked at her dad. “Its okay daddy, the baby just wants Gus.” she remarked. “Are you sure?”

She nodded, “Yeah, I’ve noticed in the last week or so that Gus seems to have a calming effect when the baby gets restless like this.”

A little later, Dr. Johnson came down the hallway as the orderlies pushed Gus back to his room. He motioned to Harley and she followed him. Once in the room, Harley stood beside her husband while Brett stood at the end of the bed. “Okay Harley, some of the changes I had seen over the weeks has been with his breathing---.” “Really?” she interrupted. He nodded, “I wanted to run tests on him to see if the paralysis in the chest had subsided.” Brett smiled “Gus wants you to feel down his chest.”

Harley looked at Gus and he blinked. Slowly she gently ran her hand over him, “Can you feel that?” she asked reaching his stomach. He blinked twice and then lifted his arm to reach for her. She stopped and stared then quickly looked over at Brett, “The paralysis in the chest has subsided Harley but not in his legs. He is still paralyzed from the waist down for now.

“Brett, can he breathe on his own?” Harley asked.

“I will take the breathing tube out and we’ll see. I’ll need you to step out while we do okay. This won’t be pleasant for him.” She nodded and Dr. Johnson continued watching Gus, “ When I take the tube out you are going to have to take a deep a breath as you can then cough as hard as you can while we pull it out okay?” Gus blinked. The doctor continued, “As it comes out it will feel like you are going to gag and your breath will blocked but you need to take deep breaths and relax okay?”

Before Harley could say anything a nurse walked in to help with the procedure. She squeezed Gus’s hand then stepped out, as she started to shut the door she heard Brett ask him to take a deep breath. A minute later she heard him gagging then coughing repeatedly. “Mrs. Aitoro? You can go back in now.” The nurse replied as she left. When she went in she stopped; watching him cough for minute she could see it hurt.

Seeing her he stared, “Harley.” He said in a rough whisper, “Come here baby.” Going over to him he pulled her close and kissed her then wiped at her tears before she sat down but never let go of her hand.

Brett smiled, “How’s the breathing Gus?” “It’s good.” He answered. “No tightness or anything?” he shook his head. “Ok, great, I’m going to keep you on a heart monitor but nothing else. Your throat will be really sore for a while due to the tube but drinking fluids will help, alternate between water and ice but just start slow okay?” Brett asked. Again Gus nodded. “Harley I’ll let the family know they can come in.” he said then left them alone.

Hearing the knock they both turned their heads as Buzz peeked in, “Honey is it okay?” he asked looking at his daughter. When she nodded Buzz walked in with Lizzie and the family behind him. Seeing Lizzie Gus smiled, “Hey cutie!” he whispered swallowing hard. Her smile said it all as she broke away from Coop and hurried to him hugging him tight, “Gus!!”

He put his arms around her stoking her hair. Coop saw when he lifted his arms and shifted his gaze to his sister. She nodded at his unasked question and he grinned. “Lizzie don’t squeeze him to hard he’s still sore.”

She backed up and sat down. Harley stroked his cheek and he looked at her, “Do you want some water or ice honey?” “Cold Water.” He said slowly. She looked at her dad, “Daddy can you see if the nurses can fill this with ice water please?” she asked passing him the pitcher. Nodding he took it and walked out.

“So what’s going on?” Frank asked. Gus looked over at Harley, “Can you tell them…” he asked. She nodded and began to explain. When Buzz came back she stopped long enough to pour him a cup of water and watched as he took his first sip. Closing his eyes against pain he heard her, “Take it slowly” then she continued to explain to the family. After spending a while with the family he asked if he and Harley could have time and after kisses and hugs it was just the two of them again.

“How are you and the baby honey?” Gus asked

“We’re good sweetheart, I went to my appointment yesterday and Dr. Sedwick said we were both healthy and strong, the baby’s heartbeat was strong and good. I also met Rose her assistant that will be with us at home until Dr. Sedwick can get there.” She didn’t have a problem about having the baby at home?” Gus wondered. She shook her head, “No, both understood the circumstances.”

Harley smiled, “I have noticed in the last week or so that the baby’s been restless and you seem to be the calming influence honey.” Gus raised an eyebrow, “Me?” She nodded, “Yeah the baby’s wanted daddy.” He smiled and motioned her closer.

Placing his hand on her tummy she saw a tear slide down his cheek, “Daddy’s here little one, I love you.” He felt the baby settle then stared at Harley, “I love Mommy too very much.” She lowered her mouth to his and they both sank into the kiss they’ve missed.

Breaking apart she caressed his face, “I thought I had lost you honey.” Not able to quit look memorizing her beautiful face he smiled as he said, “I could never leave you sweetheart, I promised myself I’d beat this.”

“Mr. Aitoro?” the nurse called from the door when he looked at her she came in. He saw the small machine she was holding and looked at her puzzled.

“Dr. Johnson asked that I start you with this… I need you to blow into this mouth piece as hard as you possibly can, to see if you can get the weight to the top. If you can’t that’s okay we just keep trying until you can… this is also way to clear any fluid from your lungs plus in your situation to build strength in your chest muscles again. Taking the mouth piece in his mouth he blew as hard as he could and they saw the weight rise to a little below half way before he dropped the mouth piece, “I can’t do anymore.” He replied trying to catch his breath. “That hurt.” The nurse nodded, “You did well for your first try Mr. Aitoro; a nurse will bring this to you every few hours to do again. It hurt because your chest muscles have been weakened and they need be strengthened that’s all.

When the nurse left Harley gazed at him, “Do you want some water honey?” He nodded and she poured him a cup; watching as he sipped with a straw. “The coolness feels good but swallowing hurts.” He said passing her the cup. “I know sweetie. You’re tired Gus why don’t you rest.” She responded as he let the head of the bed back a bit.

“Stay with me Harley?” he asked.

“I’m not going anywhere handsome.” She said as she kissed him.

A little later, Harley heard the light tap and looked up; she saw Lucia standing there. She motioned her in but hearing Gus stopped Lucia in mid step, “What are you doing here?” he asked in a harsh whisper.

“I’ve stopped by to see you occasionally since you’ve been here Gus.” she said softly. “No, no Mom’s been here!” he retorted. “That’s right honey… Lucia’s been by.” Harley stated.

He gripped Harley’s hand, “No, Harley… not her, mom’s been here. I’ve talked with ---.”

“Angela.” Lucia said quietly watching them; realizing that he’d been seeing and wanting Angela when she’d been here.

“Yeah mom’s been here.” He said slowly. “I’ve seen my mama baby.” Harley touched him softly. “Honey, I believe you, you know I do. Lucia has been by as well. I thought she’d want to know how sick you were.”

He nodded, “Well you must be doing better since you are off the ventilator.” Lucia stated her eyes roaming over Gus. Harley answered so he wouldn’t hurt his throat, “Yes he came off the ventilator today and the paralysis in his chest has subsided so the other will take time.”

“Lucia, thank you so much for coming to visit on those nights I appreciate it.” Gus said watching her. “You’re welcome Gus, and I understand about Angela.” She replied smiling. “I can see you are sleepy so I’m going to go so you can rest sweetie, I just wanted to check on you.” Lucia said walking to him. Leaning in she kissed his cheek, as she started to stand she heard, “Love you.” And squeezed his hand; with a hug to Harley she walked out of the room.

“Oh baby I can’t believe I did that.” “Gus, look at me honey,” when he did Harley continued, “She does understand about Angela, Angela is your mama. I do believe your mama has been with you--- you just didn’t realize until now that you’ve had both your mom’s watching over you.” She said


“I love you sweetheart.” Gus said softly. “I love you too.” She answered gently brushing at the hair on his forehead.

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To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus November / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 21

Other mentions: To get them where I need them to be time has been moved up. In the time that’s past Brett has let them know that one test he ran (that was ran in the last chapter) has showed that the nerves in his legs are very slowly beginning to heal but will still need a wheelchair for some time and Gus has mentioned a very slight tingling sensation. Dr. Johnson has just begun Gus with a Physical Therapist and this chapter is a PT session.

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“Mr. Aitoro?” the man wondered as he walked in. “Yes.” He answered as he and Harley looked at the man. “My name is Jake Thompson, I’m your physical therapist.” He said. “I’m Gus and this is my wife Harley.” Gus said as Jake shook hands with both of them. “Dr. Johnson wants to start you in water therapy first so that’s where we are going today. Harley would you like to help out today?” Jake asked. She nodded.

“Woah, Jake hang on, is this safe for her to do?”

“Absolutely, you will be in a semi heated therapy pool and she’ll be holding you, the warm water will be good for her to relax.” Jake replied.

“Honey, Brett asked me earlier that’s why I’m in comfortable shorts and top.” Harley said. He gave her a look, “Yes I asked Dr. Sedwick, and she agreed that as long as I don’t do anything to major the warm water will relax me since I’m more uncomfortable now.”

“Are you sure?” Gus asked still concerned. “Baby I’ll be okay.”

“Onward” Gus said. Jake grinned as he helped Gus lift himself and move into the wheelchair.

At the pool, Jake pulled off his shirt and then helped Harley into the water while another orderly pushed Gus to where a sling was put around him and then the orderly pushed him down an underwater ramp. The farther he got in the water the sling lifted him out of the chair. Jake met him by the ramp and carefully helped Gus out into the water. Placing a foam collar at his neck to keep his head out of the water Jake watched as his patient floated on his back and then between him and Gus’s arm strength moved to where Harley waited.

“You alright?” Gus wondered when he saw Harley in the water.

She nodded, “Jake what do I need to do?”

“Stay behind him and support his head so he can’t go under, I’ll support his back and legs while I work with the exercises.”

Laying him flat on his back she stayed behind him while he leaned against her as Jake began to slowly bend his legs up and down and in and out to stretch as the warm water washed over them.

“Okay Gus I’m going to place my hand on the bottom of your foot and push I want you to try and push my hand away.” Jake replied after he finished with the stretching exercises.

Gus saw something in her eyes as she chuckled then whispered in his ear, when Jake began to feel a little bit of pressure on his arm he grinned. “That’s good Gus. Keep going.”

“It worked Harley!” Gus answered grinning as he looked up and kissed her hard. “I don’t think he’d mind if it gets you walking again.” She responded when he broke the kiss. They worked with the right foot for a bit then switched to the left.

Once those exercise were finished Jake stepped back, “Gus I’m just going to let you float for a few minutes to give your leg muscles a chance to cool down before we do some more leg exercises. Harley you can relax.” Jake stated. Motioning to another therapist he came to the side of the pool and knelt as Jake began to talk.

“Is the water helping your back honey?” Gus wondered as he watched her with intense eyes as she submerged up to her neck in the water. She nodded, “Yeah the warmth feels great and my lower back doesn’t hurt quite as much.”

“Good, although I wish I could help you.”

“Sweetheart you will.” She remarked seeing the frustration form in his eyes. “Matter of fact the munchkin has been doing what feels like somersaults for about ten minutes.”

“What?” he asked holding her hand? “The baby likes playing in the water with daddy apparently. He smiled but then replied, “I’m glad but daddy’s beginning to hurt--- a good hurt but still hurt nonetheless.”

“I know honey. One more round of exercises and then you can rest.” She said caressing his arm. “Therapy won’t be easy but I’ll gladly do it if it means walking to you and being able to hold you in my arms Harley.”

She smiled as Jake waded back over, “You doing okay Gus?” “I’m beginning to hurt.” He stated. “I know but that’s a good sign that the nerves in your legs are beginning to heal. We’ll do one more set of exercises and then your session will be over and we can go back and talk. They nodded watching him place something around the ankles. “Gus these are light ankle weights, when I let go they will pull your legs down a bit, I want you to do 5 leg lifts for me with each leg.

“Oww, oww” Gus hissed when Jake let go.” “I know it hurts Gus but work through the pain.” Jake responded as he stood in front of him.

“Harley?”

“I’m here babe,” she said coming to stand beside him. When he looked at her she saw the look of determination on her husband’s face. “You can do this honey.” She said against his ear. “Ok try and lift your leg as much as you can.”

Both Harley and Jake watched as Gus slowly moved his left leg up a little over and over again until he reached five. He began with the right and did the same. Once he reached five Jake stopped him.

“Gus that’s it for today you did great, lets get you back in the chair and back to your room ---.” “Can you help Harley out before me?” Gus asked interrupting.

“Sure.” Jake replied motioning to the other therapist as he waited at the steps for Harley. Jake then moved Gus over to the lift once Harley was out and placed him back in the sling. As the sling lifted him out the other therapist was there with his chair.

Sitting in the chair the therapist took the sling off and passed him a towel as Jake climbed from the pool.

“Harley, can you get him back ok?” He asked. She nodded, “I will be in to talk to you both after I change.” Jake replied then Harley pushed Gus back to his room.

Hospital Room…

“Sweetie, I’ll help you change and get comfy then I’ll change.” Harley said as she wheeled him to the bed. “I want my pajama pants baby… I’m going to need help since you can’t help lift me.” Gus replied. She looked at him a little puzzled then realized what he meant. “Hang on.” She walked out to the nurses desk and came back a minute later with a male nurse. Harley handed Gus his clothes as they headed to the bathroom.

A few minutes later they came out, “Mrs. Aitoro I can help him get in bed if you’d like to go ahead and change.” She nodded grabbing her clothes and heading for the bathroom.

When she opened the door she saw Gus was by himself. “Feel better babe?” he wondered reaching for her. “Yeah that water was nice though.” “Do you feel okay?” she wanted to know. “Yes since I didn’t have to have a catheter.” He said laughing. “Seriously, physically I’m hurting but otherwise okay.”

Before anything could be said the door opened and Dr. Johnson and Jake walked in.

“Hey Gus, Jake tells me you had a little progress at therapy already.” Dr. Johnson said. He nodded.

“Well we came to talk about your therapy schedule.” “You are on the upswing of recovery Gus but it will still take a while so, I propose this. I want to keep you here one more day and if everything’s okay I’ll release you as outpatient like you were before. I’ll still come by and check on you from time to time and Jake has agreed and is willing to do some of your physical therapy sessions at home ---.”

“I understand the circumstances of why you want to be at home now.” Jake responded glancing at Harley. “I have no problem coming to you to do therapy however, you will still need to come to the hospital twice a week for therapy here and I can set you up with exercise you can do at home. We can work on the schedule now with all of us here.” Jake finished.

“I can go home?” Gus asked trying to control his emotions.

Brett nodded, “Yeah you can--- but I’ll still need Harley to watch for breathing problems.” He looked at Harley, “Your dad and brothers can help you out for lifting him and in other areas right?”

She nodded. “Yes Gus you can go home.” He repeated. Gus grabbed Harley’s hand and held on as both of them and the doctors discussed and finalized a schedule.

As the doctors reached the door Brett turned, “Harley when you have the baby somehow let one of us know so we can arrange another day.” They nodded even as the door closed.

They were both quiet for a few minutes when Harley turned to see Gus and she saw him staring down at his hands and his wedding band.

“Gus?”

“I’m coming home Harley.” He whispered softly still not looking at her.

Taking her thumb and index finger she tilted his head back where she could see his face. What she saw made her love him even more. The emotion he had been trying to hold back earlier was now clearly all over his face as tears rolled down, “Oh god sweetheart I’m going home to you.” He repeated softly as he hugged her close.

“I’m coming home.” he whispered with tears flowing down his face unheeded.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed she wrapped her arms around him while he buried his face in her neck and breathed her in.

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 22

Mention: For storyline purposes the GBS symptoms for Gus started in Mid to late April and baby Aitoro is 9 months later.

This chapter is going to be a long chapter… Gus going home. Hope it was worth the wait!!

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“So when did they say I could go home honey?” Gus asked anxiously rubbing the back of her hand gently as he held it.

“Sweetie, calm down, Brett said he’d come by at the start of afternoon rounds and that’s still about an hour and a half from now.” He leaned back and sighed.

“I just want to get out of here and go home and be with my family.”

“I know you do and believe me your boys want to see you; are you sure you’re okay with going to Company first and seeing everyone?” she wondered. He nodded as he reached for her.

“Let me look at you for a minute?” He replied quietly as his eyes roamed over her. “I can’t believe the baby will be here in a couple of months Harley.”

“I know.” She replied stroking his face. As she stared at him she couldn’t help but remember all the times she’d touched his face since this all began. She could feel the rough texture of the stubble that had been there for weeks or the smoothness of his cheek on her fingers even now.

Quickly becoming focused she traced the outline of his lips and then his nose. Time after time she had touched or traced his entire face in soft strokes or loving caresses while he’d been on the ventilator so he could feel her touch. Gus saw something change on her face and gently touched her cheek; somehow knowing she needed his strength but didn’t say anything as she continued to touch his face. For days she had wondered as he lay there if that day was going to be the last she would be able to see his loving eyes or memorize his beautiful face; hoping he’d not leave her.

“What Harley?” he asked quietly when he saw her lips move silently. “Tell me.”

“Never again.” She whispered. “Never again what?” he asked rubbing her cheek. “I was so scared that I’d lose you Gus, every day you continued to breathe was a day I was thankful for. You don’t realize how many times as I stroked your face while I talked to you even when you were awake, that in reality I was memorizing your face, every inch and line of it; so if I lost you I would always be able to see you. I knew that your face was the only place at the time that you had feeling and my touch was the only way you felt how much I love you.”

“Oh honey. I know you love me that’s what helped pull me through this.”

“Never again will I take for granted that we’ll always be together until we are old because anything can happen anytime and one of us may leave the other.”

“Come here baby?” Pulling her closer he traced her mouth as she had done with him, “I will never leave what we have together as a couple, as lovers or a family. I waited a long time for the love of a good woman and you sweetheart are that love. Even when I die when I’m old and gray – you will still have my heart.” He responded softly kissing her mouth as he stroked her cheek.

“Gus, Harley?” Frank called walking in. She slowly stood and went to her brother and kissed his cheek. “Hey Frankie.” Holding her close and rubbing her back he turned slightly to see his brother – in – law. “How is everything? Has the doctor been in? He wondered.

“I want to get her out of here, I want to get out of here and no, Dr. Johnson hasn’t been in yet.” Gus replied.

“Can I talk to you both about something?” Frank asked.

Going back to the bed Harley sat down by Gus again as he nodded at Frank.

“First of all, Lizzie will be surprised as you asked Gus, however Coop and I were talking last night… he asked me to talk with you, he is willing to come stay with you for a while to help you out since the due date is getting closer and sis can’t do lifting now. We will all help out like before but Coop wants to move in and be there for when Dad and I can’t. He’ll stay out of your way unless you need him but he didn’t want to do this without the okay from you first.”

“Why Frank?” Gus asked puzzled.

“Because he realized he’s misjudged you Gus and after standing by you guys through this he wants to get to know you better.”

Harley smiled as Gus looked at her. “Baby?” “He has a point, I can’t do heavy lifting right now and we are going to need help for a bit once the baby gets here.” She said brushing hair from his forehead.

Gus turned to look at Frank, “That sounds good… I’ll tell him when I see him.”

All three of them talked for a bit while Harley and Gus waited for the doctor. “Sis if you try to sit farther on the bed with him you’ll be pushing him to the floor.” Frank said winking at her.

“Well thanks.” She responded with a playful pout as she started to stand. But Gus grabbed her hand and held her in place beside him, he wasn’t letting her go. Wrapping his hands loosely around her she relaxed against him. “Can you feel my touch?” She asked quietly taking his hand. “It still comes and goes.”

From outside the door Brett smiled watching them… He understood now after seeing them and being with them through all this -- what Dr. Bauer meant when he told him they would be unified as a couple. He had never seen a couple so devoted to each other and both determined. Smiling once again he knocked on the door jamb to let them know he was there.


Looking up they waved him in and he came to stand by the bed. “Hey guys.” “Can I go home??” Dr. Johnson grinned, “I need to talk to you for a minute and do a quick exam – Harley, Jake wanted to see you for a minute before you left. He’s in the therapy room.”

She looked a bit confused but nodded, “Okay I’ll go see what he wanted.” “I’ll go bring the car around and be back.” Frank answered before walking out the door. Gus reached for Harley and gave her quick kiss before she left. While Brett began the exam and talk Harley made her way to the Therapy Room.


“Jake?” she called when she walked in. Hearing her, he told the patient he was working with he’d be back in a minute and then came to her.

“Hey, so is Gus ready to go home?” he wondered. “He’s more than ready.” She answered. “Dr. Johnson said you needed to see me for a minute.”

Jake nodded, “Yeah I have something Gus needs to take home with him—hold on a minute.” He stated then walked into the next room and came back passing her what he’d been holding. “These are soft exercise balls for his hands; he can exercise his hands and fingers to build strength as his touch starts to come back as the nerves heal.”

“Good, he’s been frustrated that he’s lost his sense of touch.” Harley replied. “Tell him I said only ten crunches a day for now and no more… too much and it could irritate the nerves. I’ll double check in a few weeks. I’ll come by to start the home sessions day after tomorrow.” Jake finished. “Thanks Jake.” “No, problem—you have my numbers right?” he asked. She nodded and waved as she headed back to Gus.

Reaching the room, she opened the door, “You ready to blow this pop stand baby?” she asked. Laughing when he heard her he looked up, “Absolutely sweetie.” Frank chuckled as he finished packing Gus’s bag. Harley walked over and placed the exercise balls in it before Frank zipped it closed.

“Brett has gone to get my release papers.” She nodded balancing against the bed. A few minutes later, the doctor was back, “You’re all set, all I need is a signature.” He replied. He started to pass it to Harley and she took it. Seeing the look on his face she waited until he looked at her, “You want to try it honey?” When Gus nodded she walked over as Brett took the clipboard back and sat on the stool and held it for him.

Placing the pen in his hand it slipped through and fell to the floor, “Can you feel the pen?” she asked. Shaking his head she took the pen as Brett passed it to her. Standing behind the wheelchair she wrapped her fingers around his to hold it in place--- carefully she held his hand as he wrote his name. “You’re touch will come back honey.” She whispered in his ear as she stood. After taking the pen Dr. Johnson smiled, “You’re all set Gus.” After Frank helped his brother- in- law transfer in the car seat they left for Company.

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Company…

Once in the parking lot Frank stopped the car and hopped out. Retrieving Gus’s wheelchair from the trunk he brought it around to the door and slowly helped him into it. As they started in Frank went around to the side door and what Harley and Gus saw made them both reach for the other. Frank leaned over to talk to Gus, “Dad asked Josh to build this until you are back on your feet. He knew that you were embarrassed about not being able to go in and down the --.”

“He had this built for me?” Gus interrupted as he looked at the ramp. “Yeah he wanted you to still be able to get in so you could have your coffee so until you can walk again you have a way in that’s not steps. Let’s test it.” Frank pushed him up and in with Harley following.

Reaching the doorway Harley looked at her husband and he winked, “Hey! What’s a guy gotta do to get a cup of coffee around here??” Gus asked loud enough to be heard as Frank pushed him to a table.

Buzz’s head jerked up hearing the voice, “All he has to do is ask.” He responded picking up a mug and the coffee pot and bringing them over. “Hey daddy.” Harley said smiling. “Hey baby— Lizzie and Coop will be back in a minute with the boys.” He said sitting down with them.

“Buzz can we have some hot chocolate its cold out ---.” Lizzie asked coming in but she stopped when she saw who was sitting beside him. Without saying anything Gus reached out his hand for her and she came to him. Taking her hand he smiled up into her eyes, “Surprise sweetie… I’m home.” Lizzie stood still, “Really?” He nodded and a tear slipped down her check as he gathered her in for a hug.

“Mommy!!” Zach called when he saw her, “How’s daddy? Is he better?” “Daddy’s getting there little man.” Gus replied as the boys saw him. The boys stopped for a second and then with a whoop ran too him and hugged him tight and didn’t want to let go.

Coop stood back away from them and watched while Gus hugged and kissed the boys and talked with Lizzie as they waited on food. Catching his sister’s eye she walked over -- hugging her he smiled, “I told you he would be with you.” He whispered. She hugged him tight and he held on even as he heard Gus call his name.

“Yeah?” Coop responded as Gus wheeled over too him. “Frank talked to us today about what you wanted to do to help us. If you are sure you still want to do that, Harley and I would appreciate it.” He replied.

Coop nodded, “Yes I still want to; my bags are over at the house already.”

A little later, while everyone was eating and visiting Harley looked around when she realized Gus wasn’t beside her. Looking around she saw him in the doorway between the main room and the restrooms and she saw a look on his face. Quietly getting up she went over too him and lay her hand on his shoulder but he didn’t budge.

“Gus honey?” she whispered. When he still didn’t move she threaded her fingers through his and repeated his name. Squeezing her fingers gently she softly said, “Hold on a second baby.” Reaching Coop she whispered something to him and he nodded then she turned and went back to Gus and pushed him to the kitchen where they could talk privately.

Sitting in front of him she took his hand, “What were you doing over there?” she wondered. He didn’t pretend to misunderstand her. “I wanted to watch everyone for a bit… I’ve missed out on the laughs and smiles, especially yours. But the more I watched I began to think about things. “You want to talk about it sweetheart?” He shook his head and reached out softly tracing her lips, “I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately that I’m thinking about.”

“Am I one of those things?” she said teasingly. “I’m always thinking about you… no matter where I am.” He said placing a soft kiss on her mouth, the conversation he’d had with Brett earlier replaying in his head. She could see the shadows beginning to form under his eyes, “Gus you’re tired let’s get the boys and go home.” He nodded in agreement, “I’m supposed to be worrying about you and our little munchkin here not the other way around" he responded. She smiled and pushed him in the main room.


At home after Coop helped Gus in the bathroom he took a bath after declaring if he didn’t shower he was going to go crazy. Once he was finished Harley helped her brother get the boys in their pajamas and then they all sat together as Gus read the boys their bedtime story and then gave them kisses before they went up to bed. Wheeling himself in the bedroom that was still set up for him he waited. A minute later Coop and Harley were back and Coop helped him transfer too the bed.

“Good night sis, Gus… call me if you need something.” He replied before leaving them. Harley lifted the rail on her husband’s side then crawled in beside him.

He watched her, “Are you comfortable?” “I will be once you hold me again.” She stated. Waiting as she got comfortable as best she could he loosely wrapped his arms over her. Feeling her hand over his heart he thought she may say something but when she didn’t he tilted her chin up and saw her eyes bright, “What is it beautiful?”

“I’ve missed having and hearing you breathe beside me like this.”

“I’m here now.” He said slowly and lovingly rubbing his hand over her back; when he felt her muscles relax he smiled, “Feel Good? I know your back has been hurting… it won’t be long before the baby will be here and I can give you a backrub like I used too.” "Yes it does, you will?” she asked. “Of course.” She smiled as he held her chin in place with his hand and lowering his head he claimed her mouth with his.

“I love you Harley?” he said. “I’d be lost without you.” She stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers. “I love you Gus very much” she said as he lowered his head again and kissed her deeply. Breaking the kiss Gus ran a finger down her nose as he grinned then tucked her head on his shoulder as she laid her hand on his chest.

As he felt her breathing even out he held her closer as his unsettling thoughts ran through his mind again as they had earlier at Company.

“How?” he wondered kissing her forehead softly.

[Shanna]

Just to Be With You... Chapter 23

“Gus concentrate.” Jake replied as Gus looked at the door again. Jake looked at his patient who was lying on the floor as they were working on stretching exercises. “Okay when I bend your knee it may hurt.” Jake said and Gus nodded. Slowly feeling his leg bend he felt the nerves react and grimaced in pain.

“Owwww!!” he replied as Jake straightened his leg out and bent it again. “I know it hurts but the more it’s done the more your legs and nerves will be flexible and your body will remember what it’s supposed to do.”

“So why are you staring at the door waiting for Harley to get back huh?” That got Gus’s attention and he looked at his physical therapist and grinned.

“Harley had a doctor’s appointment today the same time as my session so her little brother took her, it’s the last appointment before the baby’s due and I want to know what’s going on and if she’s alright.” He replied and Jake grinned at the excitement he heard in his voice.

“That’s understandable but if you want to walk to Harley you need to concentrate, I’m going to put the ankle weights on and you can do some leg lifts for me.”

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They were still doing his therapy when Gus heard the key turn in the door and saw Coop helping Harley in. “Come on sis and sit down and I’ll make you some tea.” Her brother stated.

“That sounds good but I want to see Gus first then I’ll sit down.” “I’m down here honey.” He said and both Harley and Coop walked to the space at the edge of the couch. “What are you doing down there?” she wondered seeing them working. “For some of these exercises Harley the floor is better.” Jake stated as he continued.

Gus reached his hand up and she came around and laid her hand in his and he winked. Reaching in her purse she pulled something out and passed it to him. Taking it from her he smiled as he memorized it.

“This is the last sonogram that will be taken and she took it today.” Waiting until she sat down he looked over, “What’d Dr. Sedwick say? Is everything ok, are you okay sweetheart?”

Harley nodded as Coop passed her the tea and then sat down while she continued, “Yes honey Dr. Sedwick said everything was good, the baby looks great, heartbeat was strong and steady and starting next week to call Rose and she’d stay on call until we needed her.

“What about mommy?” Gus asked seeing that she was tired.

“Mommy’s good, tired but good.” She responded. “Why don’t you go take a nap sweetie and I’ll check on you after I finish the session.”

“Are you sure?”

He looked at Coop and he nodded, “Come on sis let me get you tucked in before Gus has my head.” He said pulling her gently to her feet and guiding her to their room. A few minutes later his brother – in – law came back, “She’s out Gus. What can I do to help you here?” he said kneeling by Jake.

“Let him toss you the ball Coop, so he can strengthen his fingers and hands.” The therapist stated as Gus began to toss him the ball then catch it. When the session was over; both men helped get him back in his chair and after talking to Jake a few minutes left to go check on his wife.

Quietly going into their room he pulled up closer to the bed where she was lying on her side facing the side that had the rail down. Gently kissing her lips he saw when she smiled in her sleep but didn’t awaken. Placing his hand on her cheek he lovingly stroked her cheek with his thumb for a minute then reaching for the cover he pulled it up around her to make sure she stayed warm.

Letting his eyes roam he lay his hand over her tummy, “I hope I can be the kind of daddy you can be proud of munchkin.” He said softly even as he felt a light kick. “Not able to hold back a smile when he felt the movement he smiled, “You’ll be here soon little one… let mommy sleep right now, since she’s tired. Wheeling himself away from the bed he headed toward the door. Turning back one more time to see the woman he was so in love with it hurt, he whispered, “I love you sweetheart.” and pulled the door shut a little as he headed to the kitchen where Coop was sitting at the table playing the card game Solitaire.”

“She okay?” he asked without looking up, “She’s asleep, I just had to see for myself that she was resting.” Gus stated watching the card game.

“Are you okay Gus?” Coop asked looking up when he heard something in his voice he couldn’t quite name. “Yeah I’m fine; I just wanted to be with her for a minute. I’m going to go get some air outside for a bit… be back in a few minutes—come get me if she needs me.” He asked before wheeling into the family room and grabbing his jacket--putting it on then going outside.

After closing the door he zipped his jacket then turned his chair where he could watch the traffic and see the door at the same time.

Watching the traffic as the cars zipped by the conversation with Brett replayed in his head. Remembering parts of the conversation terrified him yet he knew parts were just plain common sense. Staring absently at cars but not seeing them he sat thinking.

“Gus? Everything okay?” Coop asked stepping outside. “Yeah I wanted some air that’s all.” He responded. “I can see something’s wrong… what is it?” “Everything’s fine Coop, just thinking about how things are since I’ve gotten sick.” He said giving his brother –in-law what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’ll be in; in a little bit.” Coop nodded and went back inside.

He didn’t know how long he sat out there but as he continued thinking He said softly dropping his head in his hands and sitting still, “How can I?” Hoping the answer would eventually come to him he turned his head to look at the door as he thought of the woman sleeping safely inside.

Thinking of them through the years he thought of all the times they had grown closer together as a couple and as lovers and as memories wove their magic he pictured her face, her eyes, nose, lips and chin.

“How did I get to be so lucky to have love; especially her love?” he asked out loud.

Rubbing his wedding band, he whispered, “Please don’t let us loose the closeness we have together.”

Hearing the door open again after a little while he figured it was Coop until he heard her voice, “Why are you out here in the cold?” Being pulled from his musings he looked at her, “Harley you shouldn’t be out here, it’s to cold for you.” Reaching out he pulled her down on his lap and held her keeping the light wind off her as much as possible.

“It feels nice to be here with you.” She said resting her head on his shoulder. As they watched the Christmas lights on the house across the street Gus nuzzled her hair, “Do you realize Christmas is in three days and I don’t have a present for you?” “You do honey, the only present I wanted this Christmas was for you to be with me on that day and everyday.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” He said holding her tighter. She looked at him, “I didn’t get you anything either sweetie.” Kissing her lightly he continued, “I’m going to be a daddy again Harley that’s the best present I could ever think of.”

Seeing her shiver, “We need to go in sweetheart, you’re too cold.”

“In a second Gus, you never answered my original question. “Which was?” he requested hoping she’d forgotten, “Why were you out here?” she repeated.

“I wanted to be outside for a little bit since I hadn’t been since I came home and I had a lot of things I needed to think about and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Will you tell me? she asked.

“Sweetie.” He said looking at her hoping she’d understand, “I will trust me… but right now I just can’t.”

She saw in his eyes the faith that he would when he was ready. He kissed her palm when he saw the trust in hers. She stood, “Let’s get some hot chocolate Aitoro.” and went into the house while he followed her. “I love you!” they each said as the door shut behind them.

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Copyright (c) GusGus December / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 24

Okay this will be a long chapter so I can cover all I need to in one. This will be typical Gush scene yet loving at the same time. Yet you will see where Gus still faces helplessness at times. One mention: this is the day after Christmas… early morning. Hope you enjoy!!

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Harley lay still beside him as the first small contraction hit; doing her breathing she waited until it was over. Sensing Gus was awake she looked over and found him watching her. “How did you know?” “I felt the change in your breathing when it started plus you squeezed my hand as it woke you up.” She slipped from the bed knowing Gus had to get to his chair. Once he was in it she climbed back in and sat up.

“Okay sweetheart I’ll be back.” He said kissing her before leaving the room. Going to the bottom of the stairs he yelled for Coop. When he appeared at the top and started down Gus stopped him on the middle step, “Coop, Harley’s in labor throw some clothes on while I make some calls and then come down.” Her brother turned as Gus went to the table and called Rose. After talking to her for a few minutes and telling her what was going on she hung up after telling him something. Dialing Buzz he told him what was going on and his father-in-law agreed to come get the boys and keep them until he let him know.

Coop walked in just as Gus hung up, “Okay Coop, your dad will be here in five minutes to get the boys and Rose will be here in ten. I’m going to need you to help get the boys out the door hopefully without waking them, since it’s what?” he asked looking around for a clock.

“Its 6:30 a.m. Gus.” “Okay.” He replied absently as he headed to Harley. Both men came to her, “Hey sis, you okay?” She nodded, “For now the contractions have just started. “Honey your dad will be here in five minutes to get the boys and I called Rose she’ll be here in ten.” Gus replied holding her hand. Before anything could be said he felt her tighten up and looked over. Moving closer he took her hand again, “Look at me.” He helped her with her breathing. When it was over he pushed her hair behind her ear, “How long since the last one?” “About eight minutes.” Coop moved from his spot by the bedroom door when he heard the knock.

“I’ll get it.” He said. “Stay here Gus.” then left them. Opening the door he let his dad in and they came back. “Hey baby.” He said softly smiling at her. “Hi daddy.” “I’ll keep the boys as long as you need me too; call me when the baby gets here. Both Gus and Harley nodded as they watched the guys go up and get the boys and load them in the car luckily never waking them in the move.

Coop had just shut the door when a knock sounded again. Pulling it open he shook hands with Rose and walked her back to where Harley was. “Sis, Rose is here.” He said as she past him and walked in the room. “Hi Harley, Gus… how is everything?” “Gus I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” Coop stated. His brother-in-law nodded then he left.

“Have you had more contractions since Gus called me?” Rose wondered. She nodded “Several and they have all been about 8 minutes apart.” Gus can you step out for a minute and let me examine her?” He nodded and blowing her a kiss left and went to the kitchen.

“What’s going on Gus?” Coop asked. “Rose is examining her right now; I’ll go back when she’s finished.” Her brother nodded and both waited in silence until Rose called him back in the room.

“How is she?”

“I just checked her; she’s about 4 cm… I suggested that she go back to sleep while she can.” “Sweetie, she’s right—rest while you can. I’ll stay with you.” Her husband stated as he pulled right up next to the bed and took her hand as she lay on her side. Seeing her face he forgot anyone else was in the room with them as he began to gently stroke her face and talk to her as she drifted off.

He continued to hold her hand as she slept, Gus couldn’t believe that by the end of today he would be a father. Never considering himself father material he didn’t dream of children. But here he was about to become not just a father but a daddy for the first time. Sure he was a dad to Zach and Jude and he loved them more than anything but this was his first baby with Harley the love of his life.

Gus’s musings were interrupted when he felt Harley squeeze his thumb in a death grip; glancing over even while she was sleeping he heard and saw the change in her breathing switch to the fast pant as a contraction came. Wrapping his hand around hers he rubbed the back of it gently and timed the contraction until she loosened her grip on his thumb. Once it was over he reached for the blanket and pulled it a little higher over her so she could be comfortable.

Rose walked in looking at him, “Is she okay?” “She had another contraction a minute ago.” Rose looked at her watch, if her next few are at eight minutes we can wake her and have her walk around and hopefully speed things up a bit.” Gus nodded rubbing the back of Harley’s hand again. “Your brother-in-law told me to tell you to get in the kitchen.” “I can’t leave her.” He said as Coop walked to the door, “Gus get your rear in the kitchen… it’s noon and we’ve been up since 6 and you haven’t eaten anything, we need to eat if we are going to be any help to Harley.”

Her husband looked at Rose when she nodded, “Harley’s okay Gus I’ll let her sleep for a little longer and when the contractions begin to get a little stronger I’ll get her up to walk around. I need to write some notes so I’ll be here while you and Coop eat.” Not giving him a chance to answer Coop took the handles of his chair and pushed him into the kitchen. Going to the counter Coop brought over two plates of coffee, eggs and toast and sat them down.

A few minutes later, both men turned toward the door when they heard a sound and saw Harley standing there. “Gus.” Reaching her she took his hand, “You should be resting love.” Shaking her head, “I wanted to be up and around for a while I’m more comfortable plus I was hungry.” She said.

“Hungry?” her brother asked puzzled. When she nodded he stood, “What would you like sis?” She looked over at what was left of Gus’s breakfast. “What you guys were having looks good maybe just one egg and a piece of toast Coop.” “You got it.” He remarked; she saw him look past her at Rose and when she nodded he went to the stove.

Standing beside him he saw her clutch the table hard and breathing deep, looking at his watch he waited. “Rose, how long since the last one?” Gus asked looking at the midwife as she came to stand behind Harley rubbing her shoulders. “About 7 minutes.” He remarked after that one. “Do you want to sit or stand to eat?” she asked as a plate was placed in front of her. “Sit.” Harley said dropping into the chair beside Gus and begins to eat. “Did the boys go with Daddy alright?”

Gus nodded, “Yeah sweetie, they didn’t even wake up when Buzz and Coop carried them to the car.” “Good.” He softly began messaging her neck even as he asked for the phone. When Coop brought it to him he dialed Brett’s number and waited until he answered.

He talked to him a few minutes and let him know about Harley and then asked if Brett could let Jake know. Listening for a minute Gus answered then hung up and set the phone on the table. “What’d he say honey?” Harley wondered as she set the glass down she’d been drinking from. “He said that we could definitely reschedule… just let him know after the baby arrived and we could decide when he also said he’d tell Jake for me then wished us luck.” “That’s –.” She started to say but stopped.

Pulling her close where she could lean on his shoulder Gus placed his hand at her shoulder to hold her still, “Breathe baby.” He said talking softly to her as Rose timed her contraction.

“Okay Harley, that was five minutes from the previous one… let’s go in your room and let me check then I want you to walk around a bit. Helping her stand the women walked back to the bedroom and shut the door.

A little later Rose called Coop over, “I want her to walk anywhere she wants but she needs someone with her,” her brother nodded as she continued, “When the contractions come let her lean into you anyway she feels comfortable and time them and tell me.” He nodded again as Harley came to him and he placed an arm around her as they walked. Rose went to Gus

“She’s at 7 cm so now is the time for her to walk to hopefully speed things up. Since this is her fourth baby walking should speed the last bit along.” Gus nodded, “Is she in any danger?” “No, everything is going smoothly and she been a real trooper.” He nodded but never said anything as he watched Coop with her when she leaned into him and he slowly begun to sway from side to side as a contraction started.

“That should be me with her! It should be me walking the floor helping her through contractions… damnit!!” Gus thought to himself.

“Gus I’m sorry.” Coop mouthed, somehow sensing where his brother-in-law’s thoughts were as he watched them walk the floor. He saw him and nodded as the bell rang. Going to the door he opened it. “Hey Gus.” Lizzie replied leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Hey sweetie, wish I had time to talk but Harley’s in labor.” “I know, Buzz called and told me… I wanted to see if you needed anythi—.”

“Sweetheart?” Harley called as she slowly walked over.

Seeing her face; “Contraction?” Coop answered for her, “What do you need me to do?” he wondered. Waiting, she leaned over and balanced on the armrests of his chair and buried her forehead on his shoulder. While she was breathing he slowly rubbed her back and down her sides as he felt her tense with the pain.

“I’m right here honey.” He whispered caressing her cheek, “This hurts so much.” “I know baby… the baby will be here soon.”

“Will you hold me?” she asked when the contraction was over. Moving Harley sat across his lap leaning against his chest. When she looked over she saw Lizzie and gave her a tired smile, “Hey Lizzie.”

“Hi, you okay?” “I’m hanging in there. Hope this will--.” She stopped as another contraction started. Curling into Gus he timed it as he did her breathing with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Harley, your close you need to get back in bed now.” Rose stated watching from the doorway of the kitchen. Locking eyes with her husband he smiled, “I’ll be right there with you.” She nodded as her brother came to stand in front of her as Gus and Rose helped her stand. Smiling into her eyes Coop kissed her cheek, “I love you sis.” He said softly. “I love you too.” She answered as Rose helped her to the room and Gus shut the door behind them as he went in.

Once Harley was in bed she watched as Gus moved up close to the bed and took her hand kissing her fingers. “Harley a little more then you can start to push okay.” Rose stated. Feeling her tense up Gus helped her through another one as both heard the doorbell ring again. When a soft knock came Rose opened the door and let Dr. Sedwick in. The expecting parents looked at Rose, “I called her ten minutes ago and filled her in and she was heading over.”

“Everything’s okay here Rose?” Dr. Sedwick asked motioning to Harley. Rose nodded. “Good, Good.” The doctor replied after a quick exam. “Gus!” his wife said quickly as hard contraction started. “Look at me, breathe,” he said pushing a strand of hair away from her face. “Can she push yet?” he wondered hating to see Harley in so much pain. “Not quite.” Dr. Sedwick answered. Turning to see her he placed his hand in hers, “Squeeze honey.” He saw something change in her eyes as another one came, “Okay … push.” Rose said as she did and squeezed Gus’s hand hard. “Stop Harley.” Dr. Sedwick replied. “Only a couple of more… go ahead when you need to.”

Harley stared at Gus, “My neck.” She remarked. Sliding a warm hand around the back of her neck she pushed again as he held her there. With one more push the baby was there. “Relax.” Rose said. When she lay back Gus smiled, “I love you sweetheart so very much.” He whispered quietly as Harley moved where he could kiss her.

“Harley, Gus, it's a handsome baby boy you have here.” Rose replied. “A son, I have a son.” He repeated softly as he stared at his wife lovingly. Placing the baby in her arms she smiled, “he looks like his daddy.” She said as Gus stroked the baby’s cheek. Moving slowly she started to place his son in his arms but Gus froze.

“Sweetheart I can’t… what if I drop him?”

“You won’t… you and he already have a bond, he’s waited to be held by his daddy.” She said quietly as her husband carefully took his son in his arms for the first time. Staring at him Harley saw tears roll down his face silently. Gus looked at Harley for a minute as if to ask a question; when she nodded he mumbled something.

Both women tending to his wife looked up, “What’d you say Gus?”

“Christopher Joseph.” He repeated

Sitting on the couch in the family room was Coop and Lizzie and once they heard the baby’s cry they both laughed with happiness. “The baby is finally here.” Coop replied. “I wonder what they had.” “We’ll find out soon, for now we wait.” Her brother said even when he couldn’t stop grinning.


Once Harley was taken care of Rose opened the door and called Coop and Lizzie in. “Not to long okay.” They nodded as they stepped in the room. “Coop Lizzie, we’d like you to meet Christopher Joseph Aitoro.”

“Sis he’s beautiful.” Her brother stated kissing her cheek. Lizzie went around; standing by her uncle and looking at the baby she said, “Harley, Christopher is beautiful… how did you come up with the name?” “Well Christopher is the patron saint for travelers and when we saw that it reminded us of what Gus has had to overcome and Joseph was because of his paternal grandfather.

“Okay Lizzie, Coop I need to speak with them for a minute will you wait outside?” Dr. Sedwick asked. Nodding they went out and closed the door.


“Harley, because you need to be where you can be comfortable right now… I am going to have you move to your room upstairs for tonight.” “But Gus…” she said in shock. “You are tender and uncomfortable right now and you need room.”

“Sweetheart, if she advises that you need to move for tonight to be more at ease physically then do as she asks.” Gus responded watching her. “I want to be with you.” “And I want to be with you and Chris, but I will not put you in danger in any way.” He remarked.


Rose slipped out to get Coop and bring him back. When they came in Gus kissed his son lightly and murmured “Daddy loves you.” Before passing him to the doctor then turning to his wife. When he did he saw her tears and gently wiped them away, “Only for tonight sweetie,” he said for her alone. “It’s not fair to you Gus.” “I know.” he said agreeing. “I just want you to rest and sleep honey, I’ll still be watching over you, you know that. Before Coop takes you upstairs I want to say this, thank you for my son… I love you.” He finished and then kissed her lovingly yet deep at the same time.

Looking over at Coop Gus nodded, coming to his sister he hooked a arm under her legs and the other around her back and lifted her, “I’m sorry sis.” He said as she sucked in a breath as she was moved.

As they went upstairs, Gus called up to her, “I love you Harley.” Coop turned where she could see him, “I love you too.” Minutes later, Dr. Sedwick and Rose came down, “Gus, Coop is helping Harley and the baby get settled… Harley has my instructions.” Dr. Sedwick responded. He nodded and they left.

Going to the stairs again he gazed up, “Damn… I’m sorry sweetheart; I let us both down…” “Gus? Lizzie said pulling him from his thoughts. “Yeah babe.” “Do you mind if Coop and I both stay tonight, I can stay upstairs with Harley while Coop is down here with you.” Gus reached for her and hugged her close, “We’d like that cutie.”

She knelt down beside him, “What?” she asked watching him, “I feel so damn helpless right now Lizzie, my wife and newborn son are upstairs and I can’t do anything to get to them.” Gus replied frustrated.

Coop came down the stairs, “She okay?” “She’s upset that they are up there and you are down here.” His brother –in-law said. “Well that makes two of us Coop.” “Did Lizzie ask you about what she and I wanted to do?” “Yes she did and I’d appreciate it.” Gus replied. “Can one of you give Harley a note for me?” he asked. “Sure, I will… I’m going to see her.” Gus wheeled over to the small desk and wrote a quick note and folded it and gave it to Lizzie the she went upstairs.

Going with Coop, he let him help him get ready and in bed before Coop camped out on the couch to sleep. As he drifted off his thoughts were on Harley and Christopher asleep upstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) GusGus December / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 25

Hearing the slow movements and footsteps over head he guessed the baby was up and Harley was feeding Chris. He couldn’t help staring at the ceiling; he wanted to be with them. “Baby, I love you.” He whispered. Glancing over at his hand he held it up in front of him and slowly twisted his wedding band. Carefully pulling it from his finger he held it up and read the inside as he slowly turned it.

Yours Forever I Love you – H.

“Forever mine.” He smiled as he slipped the ring back in place even as his thoughts took him back to only a few hours ago to when Christopher was born. Harley had been right; Christopher Joseph had indeed looked like his daddy. As he sat there stroking the baby’s cheek he had studied his son. Chris had his hair only a shade lighter, his coloring, and his mouth. He had seen Harley in him as well; he had her nose and her beautiful green eyes.

No one would ever fully understand what he had felt when the baby had been pulled from Harley’s body and he’d laid eyes on the little boy that had been created out of love… a love that he himself never thought he would have.

Sitting up, Gus stretched over and got the small barbells off the table and slowly began to do the arm exercises that Jake had showed him how to do.

A little later, Coop who was asleep on the couch, slowly became aware of a clinking sound. Coming awake he lay there trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. Sitting up he realized it was coming from behind him but off to the side. Jumping up he walked to Gus’s room and opened the door.

Standing in the doorway, he watched not saying a word, as his brother-in-law sat there in bed doing arm exercises. “Gus, it’s three in the morning… what are you doing?” Coop wondered.

“What does it look like?” Gus replied continuing the exercises.

Coop came in and shut the door behind him. There was something about Gus-- he saw it while watching him but he couldn’t really put his finger on it.

“Look at me Gus.”

“No, go away.” Gus answered not looking at him.

“Look at me.” Coop repeated. Gus finally turned toward him, and Coop finally saw in his brother-in-law’s eyes what he’d been trying to put a name to… he saw heartache in his eyes.

He knew what had been seen in his eyes, “I want to--- no I need to be with them Coop.” He whispered. Coop fisted his hand by his side as he nodded.

“If there were anyway I could help you upstairs I would Gus.”

“I know… but I won’t let you do that, I’m not an invalid and don’t want to be treated as one. Harley knows that that’s why she didn’t suggest it earlier.” Gus remarked.

“I could go get Chris and bring him down for a little bit so you could watch him sleep.” Coop suggested. Gus shook his head, “It’s not only Christopher I need to be with, it’s Harley too. Here it is almost seven hours after my son’s birth and I should be with my wife watching her sleep, watching her feed Chris or holding him as he falls back to sleep.”

“What can I do?”

“Excuse me?” Gus asked a little puzzled. “What exercises can I help you do, that is on your list you can do without Jake.” Coop asked.

Gus told him one; not thinking Coop was serious. When he flung the covers back Gus stopped the movement, “Are you sure?” Coop nodded, “You need to be with sis, I can see what this is doing to you. Tell me what you need.” He said. When he did he carefully held his ankles as Gus began to move his legs as if pedaling a bicycle. He knew this would strengthen his leg muscles.

Both men worked with the exercises for an hour and a half until Gus called it quits at 4:30 a.m. Then Coop helped him to the bathroom and back. As his brother –in-law was about to close the door he heard, “Thank you.” He stopped and looked at Gus, “You’re welcome, get some sleep.” “Can you do one thing for me?” Gus asked. “Sure.”

“Would you mind checking on Harley and the baby for me?” Coop nodded and left; a few minutes later he was back at the door. “Apparently Harley had finished feeding Chris because he was asleep beside her so I took him back to the crib, sis seemed restless because she woke up enough to see me. I covered her back up as I told her I was checking on her for you.”

“So she’s okay?” “Yeah, she went back to sleep.” Coop said. He nodded his thanks as the door closed.

Lying on the couch again her brother covered up and went back to sleep while Gus was doing the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that morning, Harley slowly made her way down stairs with the baby. Seeing that Coop was still asleep she smiled and went to see Gus. Opening the door she saw her husband still asleep and slipped in closing the door behind her. Going to him she gently sat on the side of the bed watching him for a minute then stroked his cheek until she saw his eyes begin to open.

“Morning sweetheart.” She said. “Harley?” She nodded. Sitting up he laid a hand on her leg, “What are you doing here, you’re supposed to be upstairs resting?” he asked. “Chris will be waking up in a few minutes for his feeding and I knew you wanted to see him. Can you hold him for a minute?”

Nodding she passed him the baby then walked to her side of the bed. Letting the rail down she pulled the bassinet close then carefully climbed in next to him.

She watched as Gus rubbed his knuckle over the baby’s cheek, “He’s your boy sweetheart.” Harley whispered. He nodded that he’d heard her but never said anything. He was too overcome with emotions to answer.

They watched as he began to wake and tried to suck on Gus’s knuckle. “Sorry son, that’s not something I can help with.” He replied chuckling softly as Harley took him. Once he was settled both Gus and Harley sat silently watching him. When Harley winced with pain as she shifted his eyes locked on her face, “How do you feel baby?” “I’m alright, tired but okay.” “Sweetie, I know you better than that… tired and sore is more like it. You should still be upstairs resting not down here.”

Grabbing a towel from the bassinet, Harley laid it over Gus’s shoulder and then moving the baby Gus took him to burp him while Harley straightened her top. Chris was snuggled on his daddy’s chest when the door opened and Coop walked in; seeing his sister there made him stop.

“Sis? Why didn’t you call me?” Coop asked. “I wanted to be with Gus and when I came down both you and Lizzie were still asleep.” She replied.

“Coop, your nephew is sleeping can you put him in the bassinet then leave us for a little bit?” Gus asked. He nodded as he carefully lifted Chris and walked to the bassinet and lay him down. “Call me when you need me.” He remarked shutting the door.

“Honey, what are you doing?” Harley asked as he gently laid her back after he shifted to his side. “Shhhh… where are you sore the most?”

Showing him he nodded then placing his hand low over her tummy he gently began massaging. “I can’t do a lot for you right now, but this I can do… you shouldn’t have tried to move around too much to start with. You are sore I can see it. Just relax and let this take some soreness out.”

He massaged her tummy slowly hoping the warmth from his hand would ease the soreness. Her cheeks flushed at the movement of his hand… he always made her feel loved and special, whether it be by his voice, his touch or his hugs and kisses. No matter what he always showed her how much she is loved by him.

“What?” Gus whispered seeing her cheeks flush

“I was just thinking about how loved and special you always make me feel; regardless of how big or small the gesture is.”

He smiled and kissed her gently even as he continued what he was doing. “I do love you… and you are special to me. My heart was yours from day one honey.”

“I hated knowing you were down here last night Gus.” Harley said. He nodded, “Me too but you needed rest after that long labor.” He said smiling softly. “You’d think with it being baby # 4 it would have been short.”

“Is that helping?” Gus wondered when she raised her hand toward his face. “It feels better.” She replied as he leaned down and softly kissed her lips. “I love you,” “I love you too Gus, we are all lucky to have a man that loves us so much.” He smiled, “Honey you need to sleep, --- Coop!” he called. “I don’t want to go upstairs.” She said taking his hand. “No, you stay here and sleep.” He said kissing her fingers as her brother came in.

“Can you help me up?” Gus asked. He nodded as Coop let the rail down on his side then helped him transfer to his chair.

“I’ll check on you two later.” Gus said kissing her hand then covering her up. Getting the clothes he wanted he and Coop left her; Closing the door a little on their way out.

After getting dressed, Gus got some breakfast and talked to Lizzie and Coop for a little bit. Then with a look from his brother –in-law Gus nodded and they went to the family room where they both tossed the ball to him to catch. Later they helped with leg exercises.

As they were doing the exercises Coop saw every time Gus looked at the closed bedroom door. Coop never realized how much Gus loved his sister until now. Nothing would break the two of them. He’d seen their bond even when Gus was almost taken away and even then when they couldn’t be together. The love was there. Smiling Coop knew he’d do anything he could to see Gus walk again.

"You'll walk again Gus -- to my sister." Coop remarked as he watched him wheel himself to the door so he could check on his wife and son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus December / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 26

Just To Be With You... Chapter 26

I am moving time up a bit… it has now been 2 weeks since Christopher was born. Gus is back to a normal therapy schedule. Enjoy!! ~~ GG

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sinking down on the sofa with exhaustion because Chris was really fussy and wouldn’t go to sleep she leaned her head back and shut her eyes.

“Sweet Christopher.” She remarked gently kissing his forehead, “What is it? You’ve been fed and changed.” He cried a little louder. “Are you exercising your lung power?” Right after she said that she heard the front door open and turned. Gus saw her face and wheeled over to her as Frank closed the door behind them.

“Honey, what’s wrong with Chris?” She shook her head, “He’s fussy and won’t go back to sleep.”

“Here let me take him.” Passing him the baby she stood, “I’ll be back in a minute, need to go upstairs.” He nodded, “I’ll be in the kitchen.” Frank replied. Each went a separate direction leaving father and son alone.

Snuggling him close, Gus smiled down at him, “Daddy’s here, I’ve got you… so you can’t sleep huh. He noticed that Chris was beginning to calm down a little. “Do want daddy to sing you a lullaby. What if I sing you one that I sing to your brothers when they get scared? Chris stared up at him,

When I hold you late at night
I know what I was put here to do
I turn off the world and listen to you sigh
And I will sing my angel's lullaby

Know I'm forever near
The one you can always call
Right now all you know to fear
Are the shadows on your wall
I'm here close enough
To kiss the tears you cry
And I will sing my angel's lullaby.

Harley stopped on the stairs and looked around and Frank stopped at the kitchen door, both watched as Gus sang the lullaby. Frank smiled remembering the time he had heard him singing the song not to long after his sister had gone to prison. Tears sprang to Harley’s eyes as she remembered the time she had heard him sing the same song.

As she wiped her eyes she realized the baby was quiet. Her tears came back; all her son needed was to be held by daddy. Gus watched as the baby’s eyes drifted close. Neither Frank nor Harley moved; they stared watching those moments between Gus and his son.

Harley came up behind him and placed her arms around his neck. “I love you.” He leaned back until they were cheek to cheek. “All he needed was daddy.” She whispered. He smiled. Frank came from the kitchen, “Gus do you want me to take him and put him down since he’s asleep?”

Shaking his head no Frank took a seat as Harley curled up on the couch beside where Gus sat in his wheelchair. “How was therapy?”

“It’s okay… Jake had me work in the therapy room today on a leg lift machine for a while then we did hand exercises.” Before he could continue he swung his gaze to Harley, “Hold him!” he said with fear and frustration in his voice. She jumped up and leaned over holding Christopher in place on Gus’s shoulder. “I’ve got him sweetheart.” She replied as he let go.

“Take him Harley.”

“No Gus, he’s safe and asleep still.” Harley replied kneeling beside him where she could hold Chris better.

Frank watched in confusion, “What happened?” “I lost my sense of touch and could have dropped him that’s what!” her husband answered in an angry whisper.

Lowering his head, “Sweetheart take him please.” He repeated softly. Seeing the anguish on his face Harley kissed Gus’ cheek then carefully picked up Christopher then he with one last look at his wife; turned opening the front door he wheeled through it, moving his arm behind him; he closed the door.

“I’ll go after him.” Frank remarked.

“No, don’t – He’s angry about something, but he won’t tell me.” Harley said swaying from side to side slowly rocking Christopher.

Sitting outside Gus stared without seeing anything. If anyone looked at him they would only think he was letting his mind wonder. But Gus knew exactly where his mind was and it hurt him to think of it.

Harley walked over to the window by the door, “Well my day is a walk in the park, compared to whatever Daddy’s thinking about Christopher.” She murmured to herself and her sleeping son as she peered through the window at her husband.

“Frank you can go.” She said without taking her eyes from the window. “What about Chris?” “I got it covered, he’s asleep and I’ll have the monitor with me.” She went into their room and laid him down in the bassinet and turned up the volume of that monitor then picked up the other and closed the door half way. Going to the closet she grabbed their jackets. Frank stood there watching her, “I’ll go out the back sis.” She nodded, quietly opening and closing the door behind her.

He knew she was behind him, he always knew when she was close. Never knowing why ---but when she was close he could feel her there. A feeling of peace always came over him when she was nearby. Today he knew she was there – all he had to do was reach but that peaceful feeling wasn’t there.

She slipped into her jacket then gently wrapped his around him. “Oh hell… this is going to kill me to say this to her.” He thought to himself as he felt her lay a gentle hand on his shoulder and leave it there.

“You need to leave me honey, take the boys and leave… I’ll give you a separation.” He said in a ragged voice as a hot tear slid down his cheek.

He heard her sharp intake of breath and felt the squeeze of his shoulder but he didn’t dare look at her. It would kill him if he saw her face.

“No.”

Hearing her softly spoken but determined no as she knelt beside him caused another tear to fall.

“I know you’re upset about something.” She replied taking his hand as she laid the monitor in his lap, “but why would you ask that of me?”

He looked away from her and didn’t say a word. Reaching out Harley cupped her fingers around his chin and pulled his face around to look at her. “Why?” she repeated.

“Because you deserve better than this!” he shouted motioning to the man he had become.

“Try again sweetheart.” She remarked.

“I’m tired honey… tired of being sick; I’m not the man I was or that you married anymore.” Gus finally said.

“You won’t always be like this, you are already getting better.”

“What if I am? I’m not the detective you hated when we met then fell in love with… he doesn’t exist anymore.” He replied dropping his head. “I can’t be the dad I wanted to be.”

She lifted the baby monitor, “Look at me Gus.” When he did she continued, “You have two boys that love you very much, they love you because you chose to love them and their mommy. They saw that when you loved me you gave them a man that would be a constant in their lives and always love them. When he tried to look away again she stopped him, “Listen.” She turned the monitor volume up just a bit so the baby’s gentle even breathing could be heard and watched him.

“This is your little one, our little one, all he knows is that daddy loves him, that daddy is there when he needs him to hold him, to kiss away his tears or to make him smile. It won’t matter to him as long as Daddy’s there so that as he grows up he can give you hugs or play with you or do special things or go special places that only Daddy and Chris know about.”

“But ---.” He started to say, “Let me finish.” She said as he reached for her hand, “Your three sons will not care if daddy sits or stands, as long as you are a part of their lives to share the great moments with and even the quiet moments Gus, that’s all they care about.”

“I care babe!!” he said emphatically. “I’m here for the boys and always want to be… but---.” He let his sentence die.

“But what Gus?” She remarked.

“What about us… I don’t want to loose us.”

“Oh sweetheart. The man I married is still here; if that’s what you wonder about. His love for me hasn’t changed; the strength that is us is still here. The man I married -- when he looked at me I could see how much I meant to him and it made me feel so loved. I still see that when I look at you now and I hope I always will.”

“Let me ask, do you still love me Nicholas?” she saw the shock come into his eyes as he heard the last of her sentence. He blinked back tears.

“More than ever Harley.”

She nodded as she leaned in and gently kissed him, “You were almost taken from me once by this disease, I’m not going to lose you again.”

He looked down as she continued, “So I’ll repeat this: no I will not leave you and I don’t want the words divorce or separation in our vocabulary… not when we talk about us. Deal?”

He nodded, “I don’t want it either—deal.”

“Is that what’s been bothering you?” Harley asked.

Gus shook his head, “No it isn’t but I feel a little better.”

“Can you tell me then?” she wondered. Again he shook his head.

“I’m here when you’re ready.” She remarked. Before anything was said they heard cries. “Baby, you go on in and take care of him… I’ll be in; in just a minute.” She nodded and he watched her close the door.

Gus’s thoughts wondered back to the conversation he was thinking of before she came to him, “Will I lose her if I tell her.” He said quietly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus January / 2006

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 27

“Thanks for watching the boys daddy.” Harley said setting Chris’s car seat on the counter.

“No problem honey,” Buzz replied.

“Okay Zach and Jude were about to have lunch when Coop called me from the hospital; so they haven’t eaten yet. Christopher should wake up in about an hour to be fed. His bottles are set they need to be put--- matter fact let me do that now…” Buzz smiled shaking his head as Harley grabbed both bottles and ran for the kitchen.

Coming back a minute later she stopped, “Where was I?”

“Chris being fed.” Buzz responded. “Oh yeah, the bottles are set all you need to do is warm them. The rest of his things are here in his diaper bag.” She replied passing the baseball diaper bag to her father.

“His pacie?” Buzz asked. “There is one clipped to his sleeper but there is another extra in the front pocket.” He nodded.

“Sweetheart, take a breath… I’m sure he’s fine.”

“But why call me to the hospital… he never has before.” “I don’t know but the boys will be okay, I’ll feed Zach and Jude and Christopher will be okay… go.” Her father said.

“Thanks daddy.” She said kissing his cheek. Leaning over she kissed Chris’s soft cheek… “Bye sweet boy, I love you.”

“Gus and I will be back soon.” She replied walking out the door.

Buzz smiled down at his sleeping grandson. “Your mommy and daddy love each other very much.” He said quietly. Buzz studied him; he looked so like his father even now. Turning, his grandpa lifted the car seat and carried it to the table closest to the kitchen and set it down, “Ok let me go get lunch for your brothers kiddo and then we’ll spend quality time together while we wait for mama and daddy.” He remarked then went in the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harley braked to a stop in the hospital parking lot. Jumping from the car she made sure she had her purse, keys and phone and headed into the hospital.

She waved to an orderly that had been Gus’s when he was there. “Hey Harley.” He replied. “Is Gus here?” She nodded, “Hey Todd, yep he had therapy today.” “Okay, I’ll stop by and say Hi in a few minutes.”

She walked down the hall to the therapy room and was met in hall by Coop. “Hey.” She said seeing her brother, “What did Gus want you to call me for… what’s wrong.”

Pulling her away from the door, Coop smiled, “Well actually Gus doesn’t know you are coming---.” “He doesn’t?” Her brother shook his head, “--No, but I thought you’d want to be a part of his therapy today.”

“Come on, stand against the wall until I motion.” Coop replied as he ushered her in the room. Leading her in she leaned against the wall watching him as he worked on the leg machine with Jake.

“I’m back; Gus.” Coop said going to him.” Gus glanced over as he lifted his leg, “Where were you?” “Oh my phone’s on vibrating and I had a call.” He nodded as he took over Jake’s spot on the floor counting the leg lifts.

As she stood watching Gus her eyes roamed over him as he sat in shorts and a t-shirt. “He so sexy.” She thought to herself. Her thoughts were interrupted when another patient stopped by, “How are the boys Gus?”

He smiled, “They are great Dan, the two oldest are great at helping me out and Chris is growing like a weed.” Gus replied. Coop reached in his wallet and pulled out their recent picture, “Here they are Dan, this is there recent picture.” He said passing the man the picture.

Dan took it, “Gus, they are a great looking bunch, how old is the baby now?”

“A month old.”

“He’s looking more like you.” Dan remarked. “Think so?” Gus asked winking. “You know so!” Dan replied laughing giving Coop back his picture.

“Alright Gus, hand rails are next.” Jake said, pushing the chair over to the mat where the hand rails were. Harley’s eyes moved from Gus when she saw movement at the door, she stared when she saw Dr. Johnson come through the door and lean against the door jamb.

Looking back to where her husband was she saw that Jake had placed a big wide belt around his waist. “Okay you ready?” the therapist asked from behind. “Coop’s gonna hold you up until I get in place.”

Gus nodded as he took a deep breath; he lifted himself up. Coop grabbed the belt at the front and steadied him as he stood on his feet while holding on to the rails. Seeing her husband on his feet brought tears to Harley’s eyes but they didn’t fall. She looked around noticing how quiet it had become, everyone there had stopped to watch when Gus got to his feet.

Her eyes swung back to Gus and she saw that Jake was behind him holding on to the belt, “Ok Aitoro whenever you’re ready.” He nodded then looked at his brother-in-law. Coop smiled, “I’ll catch you before that happens.” He answered reading the question in his eyes.

Harley’s eyes were glued to him as he moved his right leg forward and then brought his left leg forward. A tear rolled down as she watched him take his first step.

“Good Job Gus, let’s keep going…” Jake suggested and Gus nodded, Jake looked at Coop, “Ok Coop go to the end of the bars and let him walk to you.”

He nodded and stepped to side as he motioned quietly behind him. Jake looked up then smiled seeing Harley step forward. Gus had yet to see her; he was catching his breath.

“Ok Gus, he’s ready.” the therapist said. Gus’s gaze swung up, his eyes locking on his wife’s face.

Not realizing that Coop had moved to the outside of the bars while he’d been staring at her he understood now that both men were holding him and his first steps weren’t going to be to his brother –in-law but to his girl.

Gus looked over at Coop, “Go.” He mouthed then grinned. He looked back over to her and winked, slowly step after sweaty step he took two then stopped to catch his breath.

Not a person in the therapy room moved as they watched a man take the steps he desperately wanted; so he could hold his wife again.

“Harley?” Gus said softly catching his breath before continuing. She smiled, “Keep going you’re doing really good.”

Dan smiled as Gus began to take another step, “Keep going Gus, you’re doing great.” He said. Without looking over he nodded as he took slow steps. Different people grinned but didn’t say a word. When he only had one step left before reaching her everyone waited.

Harley held her hand out; Gus slid his hand in hers as he took the last step then wrapped his arms around her to hold her.

“Oh god honey it feels so good to hold you in my arms again.” He whispered burying his face in her neck.

She felt the warm tears on her neck and held him tighter as her own tears fell. Gus looked up and crushed his mouth with hers; as he did the entire room began clapping.

Jake and Coop both backed away so they could have a minute. “What are you doing here?” he wondered after breaking the kiss.

“Coop called me down here saying you wanted me here.”

“But I didn’t.” he stated. “I know, Coop told me after I got here but didn’t say why he wanted me to stay--- now I know.” Harley answered.

“Gus you need to sit down now.” Jake interrupted. “Aww, do I have to? I got my girl in my arms.” He whined. Jake laughed and nodded just as Dr. Johnson tapped her on the arm. Looking around, he smiled, “Can I talk to you for a minute?” she nodded.

“Gus, come on you need to have a cool down time for your legs after doing this you know that.” Jake
commented. “Sweetie, you do what you need to while I talk to Brett okay. I’ll wait.”

He smiled kissing her palm then left her; she went out in the hall where Brett waited to talk to her.

“He did really well today Harley.” Brett remarked as she walked out to meet him. “He did fantastic… he’s waited for this day.”

“I examined him briefly right after he got here before he went to see Jake.

“How’s he been acting since the conversation he and I had when he left the hospital the first time?” Brett wondered.

Harley looked puzzled, “What conversation?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Brett asked quietly.

“No, Brett, you tell me… conversation about what?”

“To put it simply, the love life for you too.” He said softly. “Our love life?” she repeated in confusion and then almost instantly it dawned on her why Gus has been so upset, “Go on Brett, and tell me.”

“Some GBS patients might have problems…” Brett remarked. Harley nodded, “Especially men right?” she wondered. He nodded “lasting affects?” she asked.

The doctor shook his head no, “I told Gus that but he seems to think that if you know it will change things between you and him and the life you to have together. He’ll kill me if he knows you know Harley.”

“He won’t find out Brett, but it does explain why he’s been upset, thanks for letting me know.” She said as he nodded and walked away.

Going back to Gus she grinned, “Ready to go handsome?” her husband nodded, “Harley I told Gus, that when he gets home he needs to soak his legs so they won’t cramp from the walking today. “ Jake responded. She nodded, “Perfect.” She thought to herself.

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Since Buzz had asked to spend time with Zach and Jude when they had called on the way home they picked up Chris. After getting home, Coop, Gus and Harley sat down to have sandwiches and then Gus and Harley took care of Chris and put him down for the night.

Once the baby was situated, she ran a warm bath for Gus and together she helped Coop get him in the tub. “I’ll be right back sweetie.” She said as she followed her brother out of the bathroom,

“Coop—.” He turned and kissed her hand as his eyes twinkled. “Sis, he had a great day today… I’ll be upstairs until you need to get him out of the tub. Take this time together.”

“How?” she asked surprised.

“I’ve seen you too while he’s been sick, the stolen moments are what each treasure the most. Even when he was on the ventilator his face conveyed so much love for the woman who held his heart. Both of you take this and enjoy what you’ve been given.” Coop replied.

She stood with a soft smile on her lips, “Oh baby brother what a wonderful writer of words you are.” She responded. He ducked his head as she disappeared into the bathroom.

Seeing her come in; he held up the wash cloth for her to take. As she dropped her robe he swallowed watching her step into the tub with him.

“Uh—honey what are you doing?”

“I thought I’d join you.” She commented.

She sat beside him in the deep tub, and sighed as water surrounded her with its warmth. He stared at her for a minute before he placed his arm around her. “Can we enjoy being in here together for just a little bit.” She didn’t see the frustration in his eyes but heard his sigh as he kissed her temple. After a few minutes she turned a little and began kissing him. When he brushed a wayward hair from her cheek he saw a tear roll down. “Baby what’s wrong?” he asked concerned. “Nothing honey I was remembering back to watching you take that first step.”

“You saw that?”

“Yeah, I was so happy.” She said stroking his cheek lovingly.

She saw his eyes change slightly as he caressed her face.

“Kiss me.”

Holding her face in his hands he lowered his head kissing her lovingly. When she began to deepen the kiss he let her for a minute then pulled away from her.

“Sweetheart, we can’t.” he replied “the doctor still hasn’t given you the ‘green light’ for that yet.”

“No, but—.” “Let’s wait until you’re completely healed.” He responded trying to distract her. She looked at him knowing what he was trying to do but wouldn’t let him, “we can play honey… You had a great day and I wanna spend it with you. – Now kiss me like you mean it.”

Pulling her close he kissed her with so much love that both hearts beat together.

When her hand ran down his chest to his stomach he pulled in a ragged breath and kissed her, “Your so bad” he said chuckling as he inflicted the same torture on her then lost themselves in yet another kiss.

Before he let her step out; he ran open mouth kisses down her arm and watched her shiver with pleasure. “I’ll be back.” She said then left the bathroom.

A few minutes later she was back with Coop and they got Gus from the tub. They went to bedroom and changed. Chris woke for his feeding right as Harley climbed in beside her husband.

Moving over, she gently picked him up then settled him as Gus stroked his tiny cheek as Harley nursed him. When he was finished; Gus got a towel and flipped it over his shoulder as she passed him Christopher so that he could burp him. Taking the towel away a few minutes later he held his son and rubbed his back.

Harley watched as their son closed his eyes once more and slept against his daddy’s heart. Wanting to see Gus’s reaction she looked at him and saw that he too was asleep. She watched for a little bit, “We’ll be fine honey, all you need to do is tell me.” She said softly.

Sliding, her hand under Chris’s tummy she picked him up and lay him back in the bassinet. She met Gus’s gaze when she turned back around and he smiled sleepily.

“I love you Harley.”

She smiled, “I love you too honey.” She replied kissing him. “Go back to sleep.” He opened his arms and held her as they both went to sleep.

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To Be Continued…

Copyright © GusGus January / 2005

[Shanna]

Just To Be With You... Chapter 28 (Final Chapter)


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Just To Be With You... Chapter 28 (Final)
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Alright ladies, Due to the fact that classes will start on Monday for me I have decided to make this the final chapter.

I hope that you have enjoyed this story as much as I have writing it! When I first thought of doing a story like this I didn’t really expect anyone to read it because of the sad content. This was indeed a very hard story to write. In writing this story I hope I portrayed a fair and accurate picture of how Guillian-Barre Syndrome can affect people and there daily lives.

Some of you have said in replies that you can see that I put myself into this story. I have… when Gus explained his thoughts and reactions of “not being me anymore” or how he felt when being in the wheelchair.

Many of you may be screaming because of parts of Chapter 27 but that is only part of the disease… In this story I wanted to paint a whole picture of Gus & Harley’s unity as a couple; so this was very much a story about the love that Gus and Harley share and with a strong enough love Gus beat the odds of the disease. I hope I conveyed affectively the gambit of emotions that they both went through yet through it all you saw the love they share.

I have moved up time and things have taken place, Gus and Harley have made love already so his fears have been put to rest. Their love life is back to normal. His therapy has made him stronger and he is no longer sleeping downstairs.

With that being said, here we go… GG

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Both had come to realize how much the quiet moments had come to mean. For each morning before the start of their day and each night before sleep took them they’d lay together, his arms around her; her head on his shoulder and enjoy those moments. Because they never knew what the next day could bring.

She rolled over the next morning and reached for her husband but her fingers encountered the pale pink sheets and not his warm body. Eyes flying open she turned to gaze around the room. Her gaze stopped at the window—he was standing there looking out, she could see he was deep in thought and hadn’t realized she was awake.

Without a word she got up from the bed and pulled on her robe then went to him. She slipped her arms through his as she placed her cheek against his back. He closed his hands over hers, “I didn’t mean to wake you beautiful.” “What’s wrong sweetheart?” she asked.

“I’m worried about today?”

“Honey your doctor’s appointment will be fine, you have been getting stronger everyday. The therapy has helped the muscles.” Harley replied. “But I’m still not me baby.”

“You have always been my Gus.” She murmured quietly so he couldn’t hear.

“Gus, come on, the appointment in not for a while yet and the boys aren’t up yet.” she replied. He turned taking her hand and leading her to the bed, “Lay down honey.” When she did he lay behind her, placing his arm over her. They threaded their fingers together and simply took their quiet moments. She snuggled in his warmth and he smiled, he loved holding her… to know that she was his for as long as he drew breath always touched him.

“Can we always do this Gus?”

“What?” he asked but he knew.

“Take this quiet time to appreciate the couple that we’ve become.”

“Absolutely.” He answered.


The sound of two giggling boys outside their door broke through and Gus hugged her gently as he called “Come on in guys.” The door opened and Zach and Jude ran in and climbed on the bed.

“Mornin’ daddy.” Zach said kissing his cheek. “Morning little man. How’d you sleep?” Gus asked hugging the boy to him while Harley tickled Jude. “Good.” Zach responded.

“Jude, how about you did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah daddy, I did except for when Chris was crying.”

“He kept you awake?” Gus wondered. “No daddy, he just sounded so sad and scared when he woke up at one time.” Jude answered.

“Was he scared mommy?” Zach asked. “He might have been.” She knew the time Zach was asking about because Chris had only wanted to be held; when she had looked up while rocking him; Gus was wearing just a pair of jeans and standing at the door.

“Did you sing him the angel song daddy? The one you sing to me and Jude when we get scared?”

Gus and Harley stared at each other, almost as if Gus’s thoughts were picking up where hers left off… He remembered hearing Chris still crying so he went to see if Harley needed help. When she had seen him standing there he’d come in and knelt beside the rocker as she continued rocking and stroked Chris’s face while he softly began singing what Zach had referred to as the “angel song.” It was like Chris knew mommy and daddy would keep him safe because his cries had finally quieted and they had gone back to bed.

“Yeah Zach, I sang him the angel song.” “Good, that always helps the scaries go away.” He remarked.

“Okay boys, lets go get ready for the day, now you know Lizzie is coming to stay with you a little later so daddy and I can go to his doctor right?” Harley asked.

They nodded and she kissed them both before they ran to their room.

“They already make great big brothers babe.” He replied seeing Harley stand there in stunned silence at what had just been discussed by Zach and Jude.

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“Sweetie, stop.” She said laying her fingers over the ones that he was beating in a rhythm against his leg in fearful impatience.

“What’s taking Dr. Johnson so long… my appointment was at 2:00 and its now 2:15.”

Harley moved around to stand in front of him. Taking his chin in her hand she forced him to look at her, “Calm down Gus, he’ll be here. If there had been a problem he would have told you yesterday instead of telling you to come in for the results of the tests today.”

He blew out a ragged breath… “I’m sorry honey, you’re right. I’m just scared.”

They stopped when Brett opened the door to his office, “Hey Gus, Harley… sorry I kept you waiting a patient needed to speak to me.”

Going to his desk, Brett laid the file he carried down then picked up Gus’s then came around and sat on the corner.

“Well I looked over the tests that were run yesterday after your exam Gus and I double checked them.” Dr. Johnson stated.

Gus swallowed hard then grabbed for his wife’s hand and held it rubbing his thumb over the back waiting for the outcome.

“The nerves in your legs have completely healed themselves; your sense of touch has been back… It’s gone Gus. You’ve made a complete recovery.” Brett said grinning.

Harley had tears in her eyes as she watched her husband. She could tell he had yet to completely process what Brett had just said.

When he began processing what he’d heard he continued to stare at the floor but she knew he had when he softly said, “It’s gone?”

“Yes, your spinal tap showed no more neurological disease and the tests we ran on the nerves showed no gaps of any kind they were healed.” Brett responded.

He turned in his chair to look at Harley, “We made it baby.”

She smiled, “I knew we would honey.” Placing her hand on the back of his neck when she saw his eyes she turned to talk to Brett. “Is there anything we need to be aware of?”

“Actually yes. Most of the time there is little to no reoccurrence but there might be a chance of reoccurrence – you just need to be aware. Also, the muscles will be strengthen to you’re normal use Gus the more you use them.” He nodded. “Okay you guys are free to go.” Brett said standing and shaking their hands.

The doctor smiled, “Gus, I hope the next patient I have that has GBS is as determined as you were.”

“Harley got me through it Doc, without her and the boys I would probably not have been so determined.”

“I can see that.” He replied as they left and then headed home.

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On the way home, Harley noticed Gus had been quiet. Reaching for his hand she held it as she drove. When Lizzie heard the door open she met them in the family room, “How’d it go Gus?”

“Its gone cutie, I’m ---.” He tried to tell her.

“You’re better, you’re not sick?” Lizzie said as tears rolled down her face. He shook his head, “No.” he replied as he caught her when she threw herself at him. “You kept your promise.” Lizzie stated hugging him hard. “Always intended to cutie, I was never going anywhere.” He said laying his cheek against the top of her head. Kissing her hair he smiled, “Can you stay with the boys a little longer, while I talk to Harley?” he asked quietly. When she nodded he backed up.

“Come with me beautiful.” Gus asked taking her hand and leading her out the back door. Reaching the back corner of the yard they sat on the bench.

“I need to talk to you honey.”

“Okay” she remarked as she waited.

“First I need to apologize to you… What I need to tell you isn’t relevant now but I still need you to know about it… I don’t want anything between us and should have told you. Harley you knew I had been upset something a while back--.” She nodded as he continued.

“The day I left the hospital after I came off the ventilator, Brett wanted to talk to me and he told me about a problem that I could have if we made love and that really frightened me. I was afraid that it would separate us as a couple. I was afraid it might change how you looked at me.”

“Is that why you asked for a separation?” she wondered. He nodded. “At the time I said that I would rather have known you were happy elsewhere than deal with how it may have changed the way you looked at me.”

“Honey, it doesn’t matter now… but let me tell you what I would have said had you told me this then… It wouldn’t have changed anything, I love you no matter what and had it caused that problem we would have dealt with it. I knew Gus. Not for awhile but I knew.”

Gus stared at her, “How?” he wondered. Then she saw the answer in his eyes as he continued, “Brett told you.” She nodded, “He thought you told me.” Her husband looked down, “I should’ve. I’m sorry.” Harley kissed his cheek.

“I couldn’t have gotten through this without you, being sick like this ---.” He let it go.

“What? Tell me?”

“It taught me a lot but yet I gained a lot as well.” Harley squeezed his hand as she listened. “I got closer to Lizzie and now we have a relationship and I also surprisingly got to know Coop a bit better. It taught me more about myself ---.”

“How?” Harley asked.

“Well it made me realize, the disease would have beaten me had I not had something really important worth fighting for… you and our family. I know this wasn’t easy for you. You were watching me battle this and when I saw you I knew you were having a hard time seeing this disease rage in me and at the same time being pregnant with Christopher, yet somehow we pulled each other through. As much as we would have liked this illness never to have happened, I wouldn’t have traded the night we had that gave us Christopher.

Harley caressed his cheek. Sliding his hand over hers he held it place on his face. She waited knowing he wasn’t finished.

“Being in the wheelchair for as long as I was honey; it wasn’t easy for me and you knew that. I’m an active man in my job and I wanted to be a ‘hands on’ father… in my mind I was neither and that hurt.

“But I finally understand what you had been trying to tell me.”

She smiled as he kissed her softly, “It didn’t matter… I was still me, the man you love, the rogue FBI agent that you hated but ended up loving. You and the family looked passed the wheelchair and saw the husband that loved his wife more than words, the father that has three wonderful boys he loves very much. Our friends looked passed my circumstances and saw who I still was, --- that never changed.

“Sweetheart, our love for you never changed. Zach and Jude still had daddy to help with homework, to hug, and read bed time stories to them even though we had to change how we did it. Chris will grow up with those same things – for now he knows daddy is here to take away bad dreams. You were there with me when I needed you.

“Not when I was on the ventilator,” he stated.

“Yes, even then, we were together – you were there.” She replies softly as she remembers the dream she had. “And I was with you.”

“We were together when Chris was born.”

They sat together in silence for a bit. “I love you beautiful.” “And I love you honey, lets go see our boys.” She remarked as the stood.

Inside, Lizzie smiled when she saw them. “The boys are napping, Zach and Jude have been down about ten minutes and Chris just went down.”

They nodded and she left, upstairs Harley went to change while Gus checked on the boys. Coming out of their room Harley stopped short seeing her husband. He was standing inside the door at Zach and Jude’s room watching them sleep like he did for their bedtime routine and it brought tears to her eyes. – He was their protector. Not moving she stood there and watched as he blew them a kiss then turned and went to the nursery to check on Chris.

Harley moved to the door, going to the crib she saw him as he stood there watching his son sleep. Gus; pulled the baby’s blanket over him, and with a soft hand brushed over the baby’s hair.

Gus looked over at her and smiled as she walked in to stand beside him, “Thank you honey, he’s beautiful,” he whispered to her.

“Just like his daddy.” She answered. He smiled as they leaned forehead to forehead for a quiet minute then she pulled him from the nursery.

They stopped at the top of the stairs, “We made it sweetheart. I beat the odds that were against us -- just to be with you.”

She smiled, “I love ---.” He stopped her sentence with his mouth as the kiss turned deep and passionate.

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The End

Copyright © GusGus January / 2005